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Wed Sep 28 2011
Considering that AIDS and other STDs are still around, it may be fairer to ask a third option on your last question that I couldn't vote on: does it kill or SAVE fairies (a term I tend to find offensive). I'd have voted "save." While I agree in principle with the comment on cheating that it's anything you wouldn't want your mate to see, bottom line I think it has to involve *penetration* and risk of pregnancy or STD that you might bring home. Short of that it has to do with frequency with one particular person. GOOD sex outside a relationship will undermine one inside which is why I have always refused to sleep with someone else who has a partner unless the partner was involved too (there was this one married couple in Cornwall, and it only seemed polite...). I answered that I *had* cheated - but you asked with no time limit and in fairness, there hasn't been anything "hands on" during the most recent 29 years of my (so far) 30 year relationship.
I think anything you do or say that you wouldn't want your significant other to see you do or hear you say is cheating.