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The inaugural address: "Humbled by the task before us"
Tue Jan 20
Dateline: January 20, 2049
Tue Jan 20
TONY's assistant editor imagines how we'll explain this day to our descendants.
Zeus, Blaze, Phoenix, Aerosmith—gather round, my grandchildren:
Your grandfather wants to talk about the day when Barack Obama (we had normal names back then), the first African-American President, was inaugurated into the Oval Office. I remember it like it was yesterday. I recall the week before it, I had rescued all the passengers from a plane that had crashed into the Hudson—remember, this was before the invention of the flying bike and the flying car (and the eventual creation of the flying Segway). Anyway, approximately 50 bajillion Americans were at Capitol Hill, huddled together and chanting "Obama, Obama!," and 20 more bajillion New Yorkers were watching it from their offices—me being one of them.
The freshly anointed President stood proudly, full of promise, in his red tie, and there wasn't a man, woman or child with a set of dry eyes, especially after cyborg cellist Yo-Yo Ma played...
A plea to SNL's fauxbama Fred Armisen
Tue Jan 20
Photo: Courtesy of NBC
Armisen's stilted and oddly tinted Obama impersonation—not to mention the hollow laughs he receives—makes us feel uncomfortable in our seats. Like our new President, we hope for great change. —James Y. Lee
Who we'd like to see do an Obama impersonation
Dave Chappelle
Tracy Morgan (won't be spot-on, but would be hilarious)Will Smith
Wanda Sykes
Gilbert Gottfried
Realistic fill-ins
Mario Joyner
Gary Coleman
Tina Fey (because she can do everything)
Who we don't want to see do an Obama
Frank from Frank TV
Pauly Shore (well, we just don't want to see him in general)
Weird Al
Michael Richards
Why our economy sucks
Tue Jan 20
The reason? We're stupid. Despite the epidemic of layoffs, poverty, hunger, foreclosures and desperate apartment moves from Manhattan to Queens, our fellow citizens are still spending their money on Obama-related junk.
Herewith, the most ridiculous:
Baracklyn Cyclones Bobblehead
For when the Brooklyn Cyclones go Obamacrazy this summer.Tickets went on sale todayObama Air Force Ones
What do you do when you love Obama and art? If you're Van from Cleveland, you make ridiculous custom sneaks emblazoned with the President's face and inspirational sayings. Want a piece of the magic? Hit up his MySpace page and find out how to order a pair designed just for you!
Obama docking station for your iPod
It dances to your music...nuff said.
Gizmodo story
"Um...I think I'm gonna need a change" baby bib
Yeah, you will.
Caf Press
Gossip Girl, Season 2: "You've Got Yale!"
Tue Jan 20
Oh, readers. We apologize for missing last week's post—you see, Josh was on a "lost weekend" in a Thai opium den, while I was brooding over my latest failed short story in a coffeehouse in Brooklyn.... Okay, no, not really. Really, we were just busy—and totally flummoxed by last week's episode, which, peculiarly, was pretty boring. I know, I know—the dead son revelation, Chuck losing Bass Industries because of his wee little cocaine-and-hookers habit, Serena and Dan hooking up even though they're sorta kinda related—it was still boring. And then we get to this week, which was just creepy. What the hell is going on here?
Josh: so let's begin: dorota in a yale sweater.Amy: SO GOOD! i also loved that blair and her two dads cooed over the dog for, like, a minute, and then he's dorota's responsibility, which is so apropros.J: are these the typical yale rituals? a baby bulldog?A: i didn't go to an ivy league school so i don't know!J: then: WAIT-LISTED! which could have been a perfect...
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