Bonnaroo Comedy 2013: jokes, ecstasy and a "mountain of shit eventually touching someone's butthole"

Comics, their comedy podcasts and their banjo-plucking alter egos head to Tennessee to perform for 80,000 fans at this "dry run of FEMA camps."

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  • Photograph: Nathan Stodgill

    Reggie Watts and "Weird Al" Yankovic

  • David Cross, who got an applause break from the audience after he told them they were the dumbest generation yet

  • Photograph: Nathan Stodgill

    James Adomian, backstage preparing for his set

  • Photograph: Nathan Stodgill

    Jesse Ventura (James Adomian) makes a surprise appearance at the live Comedy Bang! Bang! show

  • Photograph: Nathan Stodgill

    Michael Che

Photograph: Nathan Stodgill

Reggie Watts and "Weird Al" Yankovic


Our favorite jokes:

Maria Bamford on when she meets happy couples: “I can’t help but ask them, ‘How did you guys meet? Did your hands accidentally come together in a garden?’ ”

Bamford on becoming more honest on her online-dating page: She used to write generic facts about herself, but now her profile quotes are more like, “I can wear the same outfit for five days. Or I can crouch down in the shower and get real small.”

Mike Birbiglia on why, if you have a spouse, you shouldn’t force him or her to watch a movie you loved as a kid but haven’t seen since, and espeically why you shouldn’t “preface it by saying, ‘This is who I am!’ ”: “Top Gun is very homoerotic.”

Jared Logan on the time he and his girlfriend had sex in his childhood bedroom: “I told her she had to be quiet. Because my family doesn’t live in that house anymore.”

James Adomian as Jesse Ventura, on conspiracy theories: “Bonnaroo is a dry run of the FEMA camps. Bonnaroo is an outside job! Soft pretzels? That’s what they’re eating in Guantanamo Bay.… Wait a minute! Where are you going? I’m harassing you with the truth!”

David Cross, pretending he can play banjo on Ed Helms’s Whiskey Sour Radio Hour variety show: “I don’t know what this is called, but if you put your that-finger here and your this-finger there, it makes this sound.” After singing a few words: “You can also use your mouth sometimes to fill in the gaps.”

Following David Cross’s bit, Jacob Tilove, of Ed Helms’s the Lonesome Trio, responded to an audience request for the band to play the song “Man of Constant Sorrow” by saying: “I think he just left the stage.”

Jerrod Carmichael: “My marker of success is eating salmon consistently. If I eat salmon consistently, that would allow me to go back and speak to my old middle school.”

Michael Che: “I don’t know why cunt’s a bad word: It’s literally my favorite thing on earth. I don’t like when women call me a dick, because I don’t think they like dicks that much.”

Nikki Glaser on why she doesn’t take pictures of her vagina: “It would be hard to get a good one. My asshole would photobomb it.”

Michael Che, outside, walking past a crazy-long line of fans waiting for access to an upcoming show: “I’m so glad I’m not interested in anything.”

“Weird Al” Yankovic, while rehearsing a song backstage and then hearing the Lumineers start practicing “Ho Hey” next door in preparation for their own surprise appearance: “We should shout ‘Hey!... We’re trying to practice in here!’ ” After thinking for a second: “I should go ahead and get permission from them while they’re here; surely I’ll be doing that song at some point.”

Thomas Lennon on… everything: For his banjo-playing Old Blind Joe Jeffries character on Ed Helms’s Whiskey Sour Radio Hour variety show, and for doing his impression of chopper-motorcycle drivers on the live Comedy Bang! Bang! show (joke: they ride very low), Lennon takes the prize for funniest person at Bonnaroo.

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1 comments
Jerry Sanford
Jerry Sanford

Gethard needs to take more medication. Or maybe none. I found his stories boring. Your article didn't mention one of my favorites- Cristela Alonzo.