Hipster detox: Quick impressions

See how three New York hipsters coped with two weeks of mainstream living.

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Drew

Name:

Drew

Age: 26

Occupation: TONY night receptionist

Hipster-to-mainstream substitutions:

  • Beat up Chucks to boat shoes
  • Slim Levi's to white shorts
  • Tight T's to polo with popped collar
  • Death on the Installment Plan to Star Wars novel
  • New Yorker to Maxim
  • Old Spice to Axe body spray
  • Sweet-ass beard to clean shaven
  • J'aimerais pas crever un dimanche to The Condemned (with Stone Cold Steve Austin)
  • Union Pool to The Maritime Hotel
  • Japanther to Springsteen's Greatest Hits
  • Hipster jerk friends I see too much to cool high school friend I don't see enough

Assessment of detox: "I've been given a lot to think about, especially since I'm not getting any younger and I don't know that I want to be living the life of a broke, pretentious clown when I'm 40."

Read Drew's entire assessment.



Scott

Name:

Scott

Age: 26

Occupation: "between jobs"

Hipster-to-mainstream substitutions:

  • Gram Parsons to Toby Keith
  • Hsker D T-shirt to a friend's Rangers jersey
  • In the Fascist Bathroom to Mein Kampf
  • Tilda Swinton to Ashlee Simpson
  • Masturbation to video games
  • Brooklyn Lager to Stella Artois
  • Desmond Dekker to Sean Paul
  • NYC subway to PATH train
  • Thread worn Levi's to JNCO's
  • Karaoke to Pat Benetar to karaoke to Kid Rock

Assessment of detox: "Am I going to change? Fuck that! I've already cashed in on whatevercheap kicks I may have accrued for being able to relate to 15-year-old girls in the heartland."



Katie

Name:

Katie

Age: 25

Occupation: Williamsburg bartender

Hipster-to-mainstream substitutions:

  • Cowboy boots to pointy heels (considered sporting Crocs during the day but could not bring herself to do it)
  • Maintaining own nails to visiting a salon
  • Obsessive hair straightening to au naturale
  • Jack Daniels to appletinis
  • Bukowski to Confessions of a Shopaholic
  • Throbbing Gristle to Celine Dion
  • Liking that one song by The Knife to liking Fergie's "Glamorous" (which, she notes, "Sadly, I now do.")
  • Children of Men to Reign Over Me
  • Lost and Found/Daddy's/Turkey's Nest to Pop Burger/Marquee/Pastis
  • Relaxing in MacCarren Park to relaxing in Central Park

Assessment of detox: "I have a newfound appreciation for US Weekly and I'm now taking some classes at the Y, but other than that I don't think much has changed."

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1 comments
Peter
Peter

Are you serious? How is Jack Daniels- Hipster or for that matter mein Kampf not? Aren't chucks everywhere as well?