I have a live-in boyfriend...and another guy on the side

I’ve been living with James, my boyfriend, for about seven years. I met Zach about a year and a half ago at a party, and we started seeing each other. It’s been easy because James is a homebody; he wants to stay on his computer. Zach needs to know what I’m doing all the time, and I think that’s partially because he knows I have a boyfriend and wants to keep tabs on me. I didn’t know that when I embarked on this; I thought we’d have a good time and that’s it, and then it turned into more.

James suspects something because I’ve been foolish about it: I’ve stumbled home at, like, seven in the morning. I didn’t have anything to say—I was so speechlessly embarrassed. I tried to make something up, but then I just kept quiet because anything I said would’ve been a flat-out lie. One time James gave me an ultimatum. He told me, “You shouldn’t be coming home at this hour if we’re dating. You should just go if you’re going to be like this.” And so ever since then I make sure to come home at four.

When I went to Greece to visit my parents, James couldn’t afford to come. So Zach came—my parents know about everything. No one [else] knows, and I actually feel really stressed. I’m always looking at my phone and am paranoid about leaving any traces behind. It’s not like, “Oh my God, I’m banging two people”—I think if I were a guy that might be the case. But it feels bad because the second person involved doesn’t think of it as a fun time; I know he really likes me. I don’t feel like either of them is 100 percent perfect for me. It’s been good [with James], but it’s been good only because I’m comfortable. And once you’re living with someone, it’s really hard to move out.

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