Jersey Shore season finale

Celebrate the season closer with some tanning, styling and juicehead education. J-Woww!

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The players in the greatest sociological experiment of our time flaunt their...

Below: Cast shots and crucial moments from the first season. Mouse over for commentary.

Photographs: MTV

Discover tanning beds and hair porn
Looking the part is 95 percent of becoming one with the majestic sociological experiment that is MTV’s Jersey Shore. At Beach Bum (212-721-0335, beachbum.com), you can check off one of your GTL (gym, tan, laundry) obligations: turning yourself orange. Options range from booths to a “sculpted airbrush service.” The latter is important because your tanning “artist” will paint on a six-pack if you’ve elected to trade crunches for creeping. Lift your shirt, and lift America’s spirits! Next, visit the Blow Dry Bar (342 W 14th St between Eighth and Ninth Aves; 212-989-6282, blowny.com) for a shampoo and blow-dry styling ($40--$60). It also offers an la carte extra of a full flat-iron treatment ($20). (Bring along a tub of Smooth ’N Shine hair gel, just in case.)

Deal with the situation
A summer in a shore house is not the best thing that could ever happen to you, Ronnie—some ethnic education is. Drag your ass up before noon and reflect on Italian-American youth culture at the Thursday 21 “Guido: An Italian American Youth Style” colloquium (John D. Calandra Italian American Institute, 25 W 43rd St between Fifth and Sixth Aves, 17th floor; R.S.V.P. by calling 212-642-2094; 10am--noon, free). Sociology professor Donald Tricarico will discuss his research on the idea of “guidos” as an expression of identity politics. Learn, then get drunk and smoosh someone you don’t care about.

Battle on the dance floor
Jersey Shore just keeps on giving, a lot like an STD—it’s VD for your TV. If you missed DJ Pauly D wrecking decks at Karma, stalk him at the Saturday 23 Jersey Shore theme party (Sutton Place, 1015 Second Ave at 54th St; R.S.V.P. to suttongoesjersey@gmail.com; 10pm--4pm, $10), where he’ll be spinning from 11pm to 1am. There will be fist pumping and Jgermeister. This may be Manhattan, but Jersey Shore attire is requested. Please, don’t embarrass Pauly with your fancy clothes.—Sharon Steel

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