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[title]Matzo Ball
Held annually since 1987, this party doesn’t beat around the Hanukkah bush when it comes to mating tribesmen: More than 2,000 singles, including founder Andy Rudnick, have met their life partners at this ball. Capitale, 130 Bowery between Broome and Grand Sts (matzoball.org). Wed 24 9pm--2am, $30. Survival tip: “Bring a business card or a pen and paper,” advises Rudnick. “Be prepared to meet four or five people and deal with it after the event.”
RECOMMENDED: Guide to Hanukkah in NYC
The Ball 2008
Jews can bump their tochis at five different parties connected by free limo service (Hummers and Escalades only, of course). The Jewniversal Pass gets you hip-hop and reggae (with aerialists swinging overhead!) at Hiro, Top 40 at the Park, and a more relaxed lounge at Earth. Various locations (theball2008.com). Wed 24 8pm--4am, $25--$30. Survival tip: “Take advantage of the various venues,” says founder Jeff Strank. “People don’t realize there are different experiences to be had—the limos are there for you to use.”
Heebonism
A nondouchey alternative to clubs with fist-pumping bankers, this Heeb magazine blowout promises free margaritas (9--10pm), a karaoke room, strip dreidel and gift bags that include a Babeland vibrator. Fontana’s, 105 Eldridge St between Broome and Grand Sts (212-334-6740). Wed 24 9pm--3am, $20. Survival tip: “Wear double pairs of socks for strip dreidel,” says Heeb publisher Josh Neuman.
The Ball
Noshing Tour Extravaganza
This Lower East Side tour combines Jews’ two favorite pastimes: eating and yakking. It starts with bagels, bialys, rugalach and kichel at Congregation Chasam Sopher, and ends with a traditional kiddush of herring, chickpeas, potatonik, schnapps, dried fruit and halvah. Meet at Chasam Sopher, 10 Clinton St at Houston St (212-374-4100, ext 3). Thu 25 11:30am, $25--$30. R.S.V.P. by Mon 22. Survival tip: “Come with a heavy coat and an empty stomach,” says tour guide Lori Weissman.
Chinese & A Movie
Ah, the classic Xmas doubleheader. Sleep in while the rest of the world opens its presents, and then join fellow Jews for a Chinese buffet from Eden Wok. Monty Python’s Life of Brian and Monty Python and the Holy Grail are screened back to back while you shove your piehole full of beef and broccoli. 92YTribeca, 200 Hudson St between Canal and Desbrosses Sts (212-415-5500). Thu 25 at 2pm, $25--$30. Survival tip: “Go for the egg rolls,” says Naomi Lopin, acting director of 92YTribeca. “They go fast.”
Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad
Jewltide IV
Celebrate the Festival of Lights with a party thrown by Jewish record label JDub; Sephardic rock band DeLeon headlines. Also on the docket: Krispy Kreme jelly doughnuts, dreidels and gelt, and two-for-one He’Brew Beers and Coney Island lagers. Southpaw, 125 Fifth Ave at St. Johns Pl, Park Slope, Brooklyn (718-230-0236). Wed 24 at 8pm, $10--$15. Survival tip: “Get there early, because the line gets crazy,” says JDub vice president Jacob Harris. “We’ve had to take doughnuts outside to keep the freezing crowd happy.”
Sephardic Music Festival
This Hanukkah fest wants to school us in Jewish music—and not just your grandpa’s klez. Sets include Yemenite music mixed with hip-hop by Diwon, North African and Middle Eastern beats from Electro Morocco, folk-rock by Pharaoh’s Daughter and Balkan-jazz orchestral arrangements by Anistar. Various locations (sephardicmusic festival.com). Sun 21--Sun 28, prices vary. Survival tip: “Check the website for surprise guests,” says festival founder Erez Safar.
Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad
These Chosen chicks tap-dance in dreidel suits. Why? “Because people like Jewish girls taking off their clothes,” says ringleader Susannah Perlman. The mishegas continues with “Hava Nagila A-Go-Go” and stand-up galore. Comix, 353 W 14th St between Eighth and Ninth Aves (212-524-2500). Wed 24 $15--$20. Survival tip: “Drink heavily,” says Perlman. “You’ll have a better time, we’ll be funnier, and my boobs will get bigger.”