Subway changes we want, right effin' now

Our editors’ wish list of subway demands for the MTA, from simple (can someone please oil those damn brakes?) to more fanciful requests



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Photograph: Lauren Spinelli

As former LCD Soundsystem frontman James Murphy pushes his Subway Symphony proposal (in which each station’s turnstiles would emit pleasing, distinct notes when you swipe in), we wonder: What other changes should the MTA make?

“A quiet car, à la Amtrak: no loud music, no video games without headphones, no talking above a whisper. Your morning commute would become 1,000 times more pleasant if it was devoid of performers and screaming children.”—Amy Plitt, senior editor 

“Make taking up two seats a punishable offense—unless you’re, like, an adorably sweet old lady or kid or something. I wouldn’t mind getting all Game of Thrones on these perps. Then again, that’s coming from someone who watches way too much GoT.”—Tim Lowery, associate editor 

“Call me a simpleton, but I’d say oiling the brakes would be fantastic. I’m tired of the squeals that shred my eardrums and haunt me in the night like Jacob Marley.”—Matthew Love, Books and Comedy editor 

“All platform-level turnstiles should be designated exit- or entrance-only. It’s the worst to see a train just sitting there, only to miss it because the hordes of people exiting won’t let you enter.”—Anny Kim, copy editor  

“Don’t make the turnstiles at the same height as the crotch of an average-size adult. If you get a swipe fail and don’t notice, it’s painful.”—Ethan LaCroix, managing editor
“Each train has one Murder on the Orient Express car where you get to sip cocktails and be grilled by a detective with a curly mustache.”—Jenna Scherer, associate editor

Users say

Charles W
Charles W

The brakes are actually quiet.  The screeching is caused by the steel wheels riding against the steel rails on turns.

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Editor: Marley Lynch (@marleyasinbob)

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