Ten things we want to see at Big Ang’s Brooklyn bar

Mob Wives star Big Ang is opening a Dumbo drinkery atop Grimaldi’s tonight

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Photograph: MediaPunch Inc/REX USA


In today’s edition of WTF news, Big Ang—one of the illustrious ladies from VH1 reality schlock Mob Wives—is opening a bar called Brooklyn Monkey atop the famous Grimaldi’s pizzeria tonight in Dumbo. This isn’t the foulmouthed reality gem’s first nightlife outing—she also owns the Drunken Monkey in Staten Island, pouring plastic-cupped quaffs since 2007—but it is her first foray into the hipster-filled waters of north Brooklyn. To prepare for the sheer joy of Ang’s brand of over-the-top brashness in oh-so-cool Dumbo, here are ten dream activities we're hoping to see at Big Ang’s bar.

1. A drinks discount if you’re wearing a combination of the following: a fur coat over a fur vest, a double-J bra, a Restylane-plumped upper lip and a body-con dress stolen from your teenage daughter’s closet.
 
2. A dry T-shirt contest.
 
3. Someone chasing you around the bar all night with an orange segment in his mouth, à la Don Corleone.
 
4. Vanilla Coke cocktails topped with the garnish of a tiny lapdog.
 
5. Speaking of laps, let Ang give lap dances to any and all hoity-toity Dumbo ladies who pass by.
 
6. A few rounds of “Pin the FBI wire on the Mob Wife.”
 
7. An Italian-surname spelling bee (R-A-I-O-U, oh screw it!).
 
8. Big-haired cocktail waitresses passing trays of Botox syringes, while Ang screeches “shot, shot, shots!” to the sounds of LMFAO.
 
9. A boob beer-can smashing competition. (Spoiler: Big Ang wins.)
 
10. A rasp battle—the best Ang-style rasp wins a Cartier cigarette holder.


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Editor: Marley Lynch (@marleyasinbob)

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