Whatever happened to...
TONY checks in with last year's secret lifers.
Thu Mar 5 2009
- I have a live-in boyfriend...and another guy on the side
- I'm a manly man...but I love pedicures
- I'm an HR associate...and a circus clown
- I am a father, husband and government employee...and the vice president of a nudist club
- I'm a closeted banker by day...and a gay activist by night
- I am a trader...and a gambling addict
- Whatever happened to...
- Why do we spill our secrets?
- How do people get like this?!?
"When the article appeared, the worst thing that could have happened happened: My ex-wife discovered it and sued for full custody of our kids. I contacted the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund, which reviewed my case and set up a legal fund, making it possible to get a great attorney and preserve joint physical custody. On the one hand, having a sex blog (onelifetaketwo.com) and an unhappy ex-wife with deep pockets is a volatile combination. On the other, had I not had this blog I wouldn't have had a community of readers that has made it possible to fight this battle."
"My name is Karen Moulding, and the extent to which I was not secret was incredibly helpful to me in the year since the story came out: My brother Ian, my lifelong best friend, died unexpectedly this summer. I'd never used my last name on MySpace, since there are photos of me dancing there. Obviously, that was the last thing on my mind when Ian died. He had a MySpace music page (myspace.com/ianmoulding) with our last name. The hundreds of people who found me [through that] were investment bankers and lawyers and COOs of major companies, and not one decided to not comfort me just because they saw pictures of me in a bikini dancing. Our culture is too much about shame and secrets. But it's important to be true to one's passion. And if a stupid day job requires me to be secret about any of that, then that job is not for me."
"One of my coworkers read last year's piece back to me, not knowing it was me, and I just shook my head in disgust. I'm still going to massage parlors—about once a month. My wife still doesn't know, after three years. The only fallout from the article was on spahunters.com—the community was pissed that I gave away their favorite places."
"Sadly, I am no longer hacking, but happily, I'm also no longer at JPMorgan—I'm now a law student at Fordham. In my last drink with my bank colleagues, I finally outed myself as a taxi driver. I was met more by bewildered chuckles than shock and awe. I'm not sure what I expected.
"Oddly, I've used my hacking experience a lot in law school. Just yesterday, an interviewer told me the only thing that impressed him about my rsum was my taxi driving."
"I was tenured this past December, which makes all the difference. I am now protected by the union, which I'm fairly confident would now stand behind me should I be outed as transgender. Several people on the union board are queer, and the discrimination laws they have in place make me feel safe. Being tenured also makes my health insurance stuff a lot easier, as now I can always be honest and discuss my biological sex [with doctors]. Before I was too scared to seek treatment sometimes because, although they say I have confidentiality, there's always the possibility of a leak [back to my coworkers]. I am still worried about others finding out.... In reality there's no one you can tell, because one person tells another."