There are plenty of good reasons to dump someone, and there are plenty of bad reasons to dump someone. But here in San Francisco, we have 5 relationship deal-breakers that basically demand a split, no matter how stupid the reasoning might seem to the sad, sad people who don't live here in this city.
Neither one of you has rent control: He or she might be a great guy or gal, but unless at least one of you has a fantastic pre-existing, long-term residential rental agreement, your relationship is going nowhere. Every San Franciscan knows that finding a new place to rent together will be impossibly expensive, and the only way to successfully join forces will be for at least one of you to be un-evictable. In fact, if you find someone even remotely desirable who has a gorgeous rent-controlled apartment, marry them.
You're dating a Dodgers fan: The fact that a handful of Dodgers fans even live in the Bay Area remains a mystery to us, but they are out there in their dumb blue hats, and sometimes they will try to date you. Run, Giants fan. Run! Dodgers fans are known for their poor sportsmanship due to constantly losing, lack of World Series partying experience, and lousy taste in major US cities.
They're a gluten-free vegan: There's nothing wrong with someone having a few dietary preferences, but if you're dating a gluten-free vegan person in San Francisco, you will never be allowed to discuss anything else—or enjoy food ever again. The gluten-free vegan discusses nothing but their high-and-mighty digestion process. It gets old real fast. Dump 'em.
One of you is a Mission dweller, the other lives in the Marina: Out of all the neighborhoods in San Francisco, the two that simply cannot coexist are the Mission and the Marina. One of you wants to smoke weed in Dolores Park, the other wants to litter at Fort Mason. One of you prefers beer cans at Whiskey Thieves, and the other wants to do shots at Palm House. There's no way a Mission-Marina relationship will last. End it now.
They don't obsessively love San Francisco: Your boyfriend has no interest in exploring Alcatraz? Your girlfriend thinks the Golden Gate Bridge is ugly? End it. Those who complain about fog or fail to see the charm of cable cars have no business dating someone as great as you. San Francisco might be a little kitschy, but it is the greatest, prettiest, most romantic city in the world. If you're dating someone who doesn't think so, you're dating a dummy. Break up with the hater, and fall in long-term love with the City by the Bay.