At the office: I think I just got a paper cut on my face.

At the cinema for the Sex and the City opening: I feel like I’m in a lesbian bar.

At Disney on Ice: Nemo fish! It’s the one with the big titties.

At the Botanic Gardens: Ah, she’s sniffing around! Wanna come smell me? Smell me too!

In an interview: You’ve called your dress sense ‘faggy lesbian’. Is that a term you came up with?

At BQ Bar: Am I talking to a man or a really dirty woman?

At the Gilles Peterson Worldwide Fest while crossing street: Careful guys, roadkill!

In a cinema: Boy, he looks old.