Crapmaster Boll (Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne) continues his reign of cinematic terror with this soul-grindingly tedious fantasy epic, in which a lowly farmer (Statham) finds himself thrust into the centre of a battle between awful hairpieces (Burt Reynolds) and atrocious acting (Ray Liotta, Matthew Lillard). With grunting, rubber-suited orc-like creatures and woodland elves posing fetchingly on vines like refugees from Cirque du Soleil, The Lord of the Rings is the obvious point of reference, and in fact, In the Name… does feel about eight hours long. Don’t go for the campy laughs; there are none. It’s just two hours of people in Renaissance Faire costumes spouting ye olde gibberish.


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