Issue 15

That hat, that whip, that smirk…yes, Indy is finally back on the big screen after a 19-year hiatus with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Sabrina Lee digs up the archaeologist’s adventures for a refresher course before you head to the cineplex

Raiders of the Lost Ark
Year: 1981 Location: The Andes of northern Peru, on the trail of the Temple of the Chachapoyan Warriors Artefacts: The Golden Idol of Fertility inspired by Incan and pre-Columbian art; the headpiece to the staff of Ra, based loosely on Egyptian mythology 
Mission accepted: Indy must uncover the Ark of the Covenant by evading poison darts, steep jungle spires, a giant boulder and the wrath of God – all while being pursued by a band of Nazis led by Dr Rene Belloq. 
Leading lady: Feisty ex-girlfriend Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen), owner of a seedy bar in Nepal called The Raven. On one of its walls hangs the headpiece to the staff of Egyptian god Ra – an instrumental object in locating the Ark; Marion received the artefact from her father, archaeologist Dr Abner Ravenwood. 
Allies: Marion 
Quotable quote: ‘I was a child! I was in love! It was wrong and you knew it!’ Marion 
Mission-impossible rating:  whips
Did you know? Tom Selleck was selected for the role of Indiana Jones, but he was already committed to TV series Magnum, PI. 

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Year: 1984 
Locations: A nightclub in Shanghai, China, named Club Obi-Wan; the Himalayas; a desolate village in India 
Artefacts: The Sanskrit manuscript that tells the tale of Sankara (based on Hindu mythology); five magical Sankara Stones, believed to be from the Hindu god Shiva 
Mission accepted: Indy must help the poor inhabitants of an Indian village retrieve their kidnapped children and the Sankara Stones from a temple guarded by the evil Thuggee cult and some nasty lava pits. 
Leading lady: Wilhelmina ‘Willie’ Scott (Kate Capshaw), a nightclub singer who – in the process of romancing Indy – is kidnapped, made part of a sacrificial ritual and lowered into a pit of liquid hot magma. See ‘Where are they now?’ 
Sidekick: Short Round, a 12-year-old street urchin who travels with Indy and serves as his underage getaway car driver. See ‘Where are they now?’ 
Quotable quote: ‘I’m going home to Missouri, where they never, ever feed you snake before ripping your heart out and lowering you into hot pits. This is not my idea of a swell time!’ Willie Scott 
Mission-impossible rating:  whips 
Did you know? Sharon Stone was in the running to play Willie Scott before Capshaw auditioned and got the part. 

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Year: 1989 
Locations: Venice; Berlin; the Canyon of the Crescent Moon in Hatay near İskenderun, Turkey 
Artefacts: Franciscan manuscript; crucifixion painting; the Grail Knight’s manuscript and painting; the Grail stone tablet and cup 
Mission accepted: To uncover the location of the Holy Grail, using an incomplete stone tablet as his guide – all the while smashing through floors, meandering through catacombs filled with oil and infested with rats, and with the Nazis hot on his dusty trail. Again. 
Femme fatale: The beautiful but mysterious Dr Elsa Schneider (Alison Doody), assigned the task of retrieving the Holy Grail for Hitler. See ‘Where are they now?’ 
Allies: The Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword, a fanatically religious cult sworn to protect the Holy Grail Sidekick: Dr Marcus Brody (Denholm Elliott), Indy’s friend and museum curator who funds Indy’s adventures on the stipulation that artefacts recovered will be donated to the museum. Professor Henry Jones (Sean Connery), Indy’s father, also makes an appearance. 
Quotable quote: ‘That’s how Austrians say goodbye.’ Dr Elsa Schneider 
Mission-impossible rating:  whips
Did you know? Last Crusade won an Oscar for soundeffects editing, bringing the Oscar count for the Indiana Jones trilogy to six. 

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Year: 2008 
Locations: New Mexico, Connecticut, Mexico City and the jungles of Peru 
Artefact: A crystal skull with supernatural powers 
Mission accepted: Reunited with ex-girlfriend Marion (see Raiders of the Lost Ark) and joined by their (rumoured) lovechild Mutt Williams (Shia LaBeouf), Indy has to recover the crystal skull with Russian Cold Warriors in pursuit. The Indiana Jones team has been tight-lipped about the plot, but we can probably expect more whip-swinging and triumphing over evil. 
Femme fatale: Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett), Soviet agent with a hint of dominatrix 
Allies: Marion and fellow archaeologist and troublemaker Mac 
Sidekick: Mutt 
Quotable quote: ‘This ain’t going to be easy.’ ‘Not as easy as it used to be.’ Mac to Indy 
Mission-impossible rating: Unknown 
Did you know? Collectively, star Harrison Ford, director Steven Spielberg and producer George Lucas are 189 years old. 
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull opens 22 May. 

Look the part:
Gear: Fedora hat by the Herbert Johnson Hat Shop (www.herbert-johnson.co.uk), bullwhip by David Morgan (www.davidmorgan.com), Jacket by Wested Leather (www.wested.com), MkVII gas mask bag (whatpriceglory.com/mkviibag.html) and a Smith & Wesson revolver. 

Where are they now?
Apparently, there is life after Indy 

Kate Capshaw 
The female lead in Temple of Doom made quite an impression on director Steven Spielberg. Not only did she beat out 120 other women for the role of Willie Scott, but she also became Mrs Steven Spielberg in 1991. Aside from a spate of awful ’80s films (Best Defense, anyone? Anyone?), she’s been spending her time making babies (five with her hubbie). The now 54-year-old reprised her role as ‘Mom’ onscreen opposite Winona Ryder in How to Make an American Quilt (1995). 

Jonathan Ke Quan (Ke Huy Quan) 
Short Round! Love this kid. After seeking political asylum from his native Vietnam with his family in the ’70s, he cracked the big screen with two big films: Temple of Doom and The Goonies. What’s not to like about a boy named Data who can shoot oil out of his sneakers? The child star – who turns 37 this year – went on to graduate from the University of Southern California, and worked on stunt choreography for X-Men. 

Alison Doody 
Despite an unfortunate last name, Dubliner Doody’s claim to fame came before her role as Dr Elsa Schneider in Last Crusade: she was a Bond girl, playing femme fatale Jenny Flex opposite Roger Moore in 1985’s A View to a Kill. The L’Oréal spokeswoman went on to star as Wild Thing’s (Charlie Sheen) girlfriend in US baseball flick Major League II… and that’s about it. 
Laura Dannen 


Family rivalry
So what if no one will admit that Shia LaBeouf is playing Indiana Jones’s lovechild in the fourth Indiana Jones – our money’s on it. Alexis Ong pits the men who play Indy Sr and Indy Jr in a head-to-head battle of badassery. Who comes out on top? 

HARRISON FORD vs SHIA LABEOUF 
Ages: 65 and 21, respectively. 
Claim to fame: Besides Indy, Ford has lit up the screen as Han Solo, the enigmatic Deckard in Blade Runner, a doctor in hot pursuit of the one-armed man in The Fugitive… we should stop here for the sake of saving paper. LaBeouf has… Transformers. 
Winner: H-Ford, hands down. 
Big break: Car-racing Bob Falfa in American Graffiti (1973) versus wrongfully accused juvenile delinquent Stanley Yelnats in Holes (2003). 
Winner: Tie – Yelnats saves his best friend’s life! That has to count for something. 
Self-made man: As a self-taught carpenter, Ford got his shot when he landed a cabinet-making job at the home of George Lucas. LaBeouf, however, found his own agent when he was 10 and supported his mother with his TV appearances. 
Winner: LaBeouf. 
Most memorable moment: Hello, Star Wars? Getting frozen in carbonite as Han Solo, of course. Winner: H-Ford. 
Best facial hair: McFord is the epitome of scraggly, bearded revenge in The Fugitive. A cut above Shia, whose face pubes aren’t quite up to scratch. 
Winner: Hairy Ford. 
Best handling of a weapon: Devo said it best: whip it! 
Winner: H-Ford triumphs again. 
Best escape: Twenty-seven years on and the sight of Indy fleeing a giant boulder in Raiders of the Lost Ark can still leave grown men squealing like schoolchildren. Though LaBeouf gives him a good run for his money at the end of Transformers. 
Winner: H-Ford by a nose. 
Worst offscreen moment: Back in 1999, Ford crashed a Bell 206-L4 helicopter over a riverbed in Santa Clarita, California; thankfully nobody was injured. His comment to James Lipton on Inside the Actors Studio? ‘I broke it.’ Meanwhile, LaBeouf was arrested in February for the ‘unlawful smoking’ of cigarettes. 
Winner: This is starting to get ugly… 
Best offscreen lady friend: Ford’s favourite coat hanger, Ally McBeal – er, Calista Flockhart – pulls some weight around Hollywood, while LaBeouf has yet to date a celebrity. 
Winner: Do we even need to say it? Best onscreen lady friend: Transformers’ smokin’ hot Mikaela (Megan Fox) is a big hit for this generation, but you might prefer big buns… I mean, Princess Leia. Winner: Tie – don’t want to face the wrath of Star Wars fans. 
Final tally? Ford takes this one, even though he had a 44-year head start.

Further information on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.