The local comedian and actor reprises his role as a chopstick in the re-staging of Dim Sum Dollies’ The History of Singapore this month. Cecilia Wong talks showbiz with the funnyman 

So, how did it all start? Why Hossan the funnyman, and not Hossan the serious actor or singer? Actually, I started off as Hossan the ‘I wanna win an Academy Award’ actor. But one day, Haresh Sharma from The Necessary Stage said to me, ‘You’re rather funny. Would you wanna do a comic play?’ So he wrote a play called Talk. Some producers from [Singaporean TV series] Under One Roof saw me in it, and asked if I wanted to guest star in their sitcom. And after that, someone said to me, ‘You need to go into stand-up comedy!’, but I still considered myself an actor. I tried it anyway; I was a nervous wreck. I still am, actually. Even now, I don’t know if people think I’m funny ha-ha, or funny strange. 

I’m sure it’s the former. How did you get involved with Dim Sum Dollies? 
We’re friends, and we go way back – we started very small as a threesome and with me as a chopstick. At first I was the piano player for their shows, and it just grew from there.

If you had to choose a Dolly to be stuck with in an elevator, which one would it be? 
It’d have to be Selena. We’d be there in the lift, and we’d be planning shows and stuff. We get along really, really well – lots of creative ideas come from many sessions.

Between the three of them, who would win in a bitch fight? Pam. Hands down. Pam is small, but she is very powerful. Don’t confront her on a bad hair day. 

Who or what inspires you? 
Love and friendship inspires me. A lot of inspiration comes from my friends, and the love that we all have for each other. Every time we’re together, it’s amazing. I never get bored in their company.

Who’s the funniest person in your life? 
I’d like to say my partner. My partner makes me laugh. That’s why we got together in the first place. I mean, who’s gonna make me laugh, if I’m a comedian? Well, my partner makes me laugh. We’ve been together now for five years.

What’s the boldest song you’ve ever performed? Did you get reprimanded or censored by the gahmen? 
I did the song ‘Copacabana’. And it was about Mahathir bin Mohamad, the ex-prime minister of Malaysia. I had to give my lyrics to authorities and everything. They said, ‘You can’t sing this song, you might cause an international incident!’ But I did it anyway – for me, it was about artistic integrity. After I performed it, the Media Development Authority called me, saying, ‘Why did you do it?!’ But they just rapped me on the fingers and said don’t do it again. That was many years ago. Hopefully things have changed since then.
 
You are quite the comedian, though there are some people who think your jokes are too localised for an international audience. What do you think of that? 
It’s localised because this is my audience. But I performed in Chicago recently, and all around South-East Asia and Asia. In Chicago, half the audience wasn’t Singaporean, and they loved it! Of course, I had to change a bit of the jokes, and localise the Hokkien words. I just don’t see why we can’t we go abroad and teach people how to say ‘Wah-lau!’ It’s fabulous! [That word] encapsulates every emotion. I mean, Singapore humour, or rather, my brand of humour can be quite universal. Like Ellen DeGeneres. I just tweak it a bit. I have to take some political jokes out. But talking about the quirks and eccentricities of Singaporeans, that’s universal. You can compare it to other cultures.

You obviously love Singapore, so why all the jabs at our home? 
Hmmm, where do I begin? [Laughs] Singapore’s gotta loosen up! It has a lot already, and that’s good, but I think people still live in a constant state of paranoia in this country. ‘Oh my god, I can’t say this, otherwise I may get caught!’ We’ve grown up with Big Brother watching over us. But I think it’s time that Singaporeans stand up and say, ‘Thank you very much, but I can think for myself.’ Otherwise, we’ll never be at the forefront of the world. 

Is that what you try to do with your comedy, then, to a certain degree? Subvert?
No, I just love to entertain people. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m just a clown. I love it when people laugh. This is such a stressed-out country. People need to get out and de-stress. 

But your stand-up sometimes feels a little restrained nonetheless. Tell us about your inner battles with self-censorship. 
I push the envelope as far as I can. But I will not cross the boundaries, lah. Normally I don’t self-censor. It’s normally the clients who hire me for private shows; they tell me not to talk about certain thing because so-and-so minister is in the audience. Then after the show, I’ll go up to the minister to greet him, and he’ll say, ‘Why did you hold back?’ And I just think, it’s not me! It’s your people! It’s really the people in the middle that don’t dare to just chill and let it go. But then again, we’re in a conservative country. 

What do you think of the current state of Singapore’s comedy scene? Anyone you’ve seen recently that’s blown you away? 
I really hope that there’ll be more stand-up comedians. The scene is very, very dry at the moment. I’m tired of it myself. We need new blood. [Laughs] We need new people to come in. People just gotta have enough courage to stand up, take the mic and tell a joke. I haven’t seen anyone new yet. The ones out there now are all my peers. But I was lucky enough to be given a platform by someone who said I was funny. Comedians just have to go out there and go to theatre companies and producers, and say, ‘Look, I’m funny, here’s my tape and my joke.’ 

Any tips, other than growing some balls? 
Just gotta have very, very thick skin. They should accept that the jokes might not work all the time. And it is a very, very, very vulnerable job. You’re on stage with a mic, and that’s it. You’re practically naked. If it doesn’t work out, you just wish the stage would collapse and swallow you up. [Pauses] But really, if it doesn’t work, then just go back to your day job. 

What can we do to help Singapore’s comedy scene grow? 
People who are naturally funny and have comic timing and blah blah blah and all that, they should be allowed to do their own thing. So many of us are always pigeonholed into jobs that are ‘respectable’. And a lot of talented, funny people out there are lawyers, doctors, whatever, because they have to earn a living. I guess that’s a general thing about the entertainment industry, though. I think Singaporeans just have to be a bit forgiving. If new talent comes out, give them a chance. 

What do you like most about doing stand-up in Singapore? 
The fact that I can connect. The connection is so important. If the audience connects with you, it’s just great to hear laughter, clapping and cheers after a punchline. If you do a local joke, it hits them between the eyes, and everyone’s all [wails and cheers]. 

And the least? 
Maybe doing private shows. The people that are there are not there to see you – they’re there to eat. So there’s a lack of respect for your performance. In those cases, why even have a comedian? Just hire a band. 

What’s your bread and butter? 
Hosting parties and events, and I’m currently on the radio, too. The show’s called The Morning Jam on Power 98, from 7-10am weekdays. Hopefully I keep people laughing all the way to the office! 

Are you concerned about people ever taking you seriously? 
Oh my god, all the time [fakes crying]. Because I’m normally quite serious and boring. [Laughs] But seriously, I’m just professional, and I do my job. 

You were just in the States last year. Did anything freak you out? How were the crowds? 
I was hosting an entertainment thing in Central Park, about 6,000 people. I loooved New York! It’s the centre of the universe. 

I thought that was Singapore. 
No lah, not really! Singapore’s next to the centre of the universe. But I wouldn’t move to the States. I may retire elsewhere in the world. Depends, lah! It’s always about my partner. 

Right. That, and the fact that you’re a national treasure. A national treasure?! 
Yeah, right! They don’t pay me enough! [Laughs] 

What projects are you working on in the new year? 
Dim Sum Dollies [this month]. That’s about it, really. Nothing else planned for the rest of the year. But hopefully, a movie or a TV series. I haven’t done a movie or TV in a long time, so it’d be great to do that. But the scene’s really hard here; you just have to wait till somebody calls you. 

We have a feature called Rant in our Speakers’ Corner section of the mag. Lately, God-awful condo names are pissing us off; the month before, it was annoying telemarketers. Anything you feel like ranting about right now? 
Oh yes. I can never get a cab! From 5pm to midnight…impossible! Where have all the cabs gone? It’s impossible to flag down a cab in the city. And calling for one costs like 2 million dollars, and you can’t get through, blah blah blah. We’re supposedly a first-world country, [so] where’s my cab? Why are they all going around with green lights, but they’re on call? Who’s calling them?! 

Hmm, you’re a little angry right now. Who would you rather have in your corner for world dominance? Kumar, or JBJ? 
Kumar! Of course! Hello. He looks better in drag than JBJ. He wins, hands down. 

Bunk beds, what’s your preference: top or bottom? 
Top. Back to The History of Singapore. 

Anything to look forward to in this year’s encore show? 
Well, we sold out last year, so that’s why we’re repeating it. It’s exactly the same as last year; we’re staging it for people that missed it and want to see it again. But it’s gonna be just as good. People should get their tickets now. 

And if you can’t get tickets? How? Find out who runs the Esplanade, and sleep with them.

The History of Singapore, 21-28 February.