By now we’ve all heard about M Ravi’s intention to run in the next General Election as an independent candidate battling for the Ang Mo Kio constituency. The lawyer and constant thorn in the Government’s side has been quoted as saying – or, as a certain newspaper oh-so-delicately put it, ‘unleash[ed] a tirade’ – his goal is to put Singaporeans’ interests first. It’s a noble gesture.
But it’s hardly sufficient. The promises of leaders are as good as those by your telco – suuuure the cable guy’s gonna come between 10am to noon. The immortal words of The Who will undoubtedly spring to mind… what was that about the new boss again?
That said, there are a select few whom we believe will lead this city to great heights. Here’s who we think should run for a seat in Parliament.
Singa the Courtesy Lion
Photo: kindness.sg
The guy will always give up his seat on the train, clear his table at the kopitiam and teach you to be friendly to your neighbours. He’ll be a leader whose policies will surely give rise to a kinder and more equitable society, one that the fangs of merciless meritocracy cannot poison. And, c’mon, the dude’s practically out of a job now. Throw him a bone.
Fandi Ahmad
Photo: Chen Siyuan
He’s an athlete and a gentleman. Not only is he still the pride of local sports years after he hung up his football boots, two of the man’s young sons are slaying it on the pitch. Think about how life would be if he captured the Parliament. Free BPL for all, a stadium that actually works, education that prizes things other than rote memorisation… and, of course, Singapore in the FIFA World Cup. One can dream.
A durian
Photo: Kalai
It’s prickly, makes many people retch, yet most of us love it anyway. But enough about the ruling party – the durian makes a pretty sweet candidate because it knows Singaporeans can suffer through anything so long as there’s something good to eat at the end.
SMRT Ltd
Photo: Jonathan Lin
Anyone who brings down plastic trolls, conniving salesmen and other scammers with the force of a thousand lup cheongs deserves praise in our books. But here’s why we really love SMRT Ltd: it doesn’t discriminate. It gives credit where it’s due and shoots flames to anyone deserving of humiliation. A little ruthless, sure, although haven’t we gotten used to that by now?
The spirit of Ah Meng
Photo: Chen Siyuan
Since the Parliament already comprises primates who’re dead (inside), Ah Meng makes the perfect leader of the tribe. She’s been a fantastic ambassador for our city – even sharing a meal with Michael Jackson! – and is beloved nationwide. Maybe when she’s in office, we’ll have more green spaces filled with flora and fauna, mandated breakfasts every day, and, judging by the orang-utan’s laidback nature, a slower-paced way of life. Ah Meng to that.