Check out the legal waiver for Chicago's Great Bull Run

Do not taunt the bulls. Do not touch the bulls. RUN FROM THE BULLS

The Great Bull Run comes to  Hawthorne Race Course in Cicero, July 12, 2014.

The Great Bull Run comes to Hawthorne Race Course in Cicero, July 12, 2014. Photograph:

If eating a bucket of bonuts is too slow a death for you, speed up your heart rate and your potential race to the grave with the Great Bull Run. Yes, the great Spanish tradition for maniacs, the Pamplona encierro, popularly known as the Running of the Bulls, is coming to the Chicago area on July 12.

In case you're imagining Taj Gibson hunting you down, no, these are legit bovines. Eighteen bulls, weighing in at about three-quarters of a ton each, we will be set loose on your ass at Hawthorne Race Course, as you sprint a quarter mile. Naturally, there is a waiver you must sign. And it's pretty amazing. Here are our favorite bits of the legal boilerplate:

I understand and acknowledge that the inherent risks include, but are not limited to: (1) contact or collision with live animals, including, but not limited to, bulls, steers, cattle or horses;

Wait, horses? Those are faster than cows. And wait, "not limited to"? Are there other animals? There is legal wiggle room left for snakes here. Just saying.

(2) contact or collision with other participants, spectators or course personnel;

Sure, it's mass panic. Okay.

(3) contact or collision with inanimate objects, including floors, walls, fencing, crates, bales and other barriers;

Plus side: At least the bales and crates aren't animate.

(4) collision with tomatoes or other projectiles intentionally thrown by participants;

Wait, what? I'm getting pelted with vegetables? (Shut up, fruiters.) That turn me RED?

(5) environmental hazards, including extreme heat, extreme cold, humidity, ice, rain, fog, mud, dirt, dust and prolonged exposure to sunlight; and

Chicago weather is erratic, yes, but wow.

(6) erratic or inappropriate behavior by my fellow participants. 

Choose your poison: bulls or bros.

As that document alludes, there is another Spanish tradition ported over for your amusement, La Tomatina of Buñol, a.k.a. that giant tomato fight. Here are some disclaimers regarding that mess:

12. Participants in Tomato Royale must squash the tomatoes before throwing to reduce the risk of injuries to others. 
13. Participants in Tomato Royale are not allowed to throw anything but tomatoes. 
14. Participants in Tomato Royale must not intentionally attempt to injure other participants. 
15. Participants in Tomato Royale are not allowed to throw tomatoes at other participants' heads

Well what's the fun in that?

The Great Bull Run ($55) hits Hawthorne Race Course July 12, 11am–1:30pm. Tomato Royale ($40) happens at 3:30pm. Spectator fee $10.

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Laura Baginski, Editor (@TimeOutChicago)