"He's got a face for radio, not for dating."
"Scrabble makes me want to rip my flesh off, but I love it."
"If you can afford transgender surgery, you can certainly afford a cup of hot chocolate."
"An alarming amount of guys I've dated paint miniatures."
"She used to be a piece of ass."
"I hate white chocolate!" "Why? Are you racist?"
"I'm on way more pills than you are."
"Nicole Richie is adopted? I just thought Lionel Richie's girlfriend was really hot and canceled him out."
"Japan was the China of the '80s."
"It's rub-it-in-your-crotch good."
"She's a smart girl and successful�she's just a whore."
"Can we be old fuckers?"
"I could've stayed longer, but I drank too much with my meds."