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Heard on the street, September 6, 2012, edition

Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.

Do you ever watch Tom Skilling and touch yourself?

“You just know the Blue Angels pilots have such hard-ons right now.” “The g-forces get the blood flowing south.”

I’m having my mom send me all my Bright Eyes T-shirts from high school so I can wear them all at the same time.

Why do aquarium stores and porn shops smell the same?

I give really enthusiastic head. Sometimes I throw my neck out.

Can’t you see that I’m in the depths of crazy despair right now?

Never mind. I love Robert Redford. It’s Burt Reynolds that I hate.

You don’t look like a Christmas tree to me!

Did you just say you have a cock ring in your butt?

I’ve shit my pants in at least two countries.