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28 signs you're a true Londoner

 

 

 

#1 You’re automatically suspicious of anyone who can afford to own a house.

#2 You pass up amazing gigs by the world’s biggest artists because you can’t be bothered to leave the house (and they’ll probably be back next year, right?).

#3 You don’t tut at people walking slowly on the pavement, you just walk down the edge of the road instead.

#4 You don’t get 'soot nose' anymore. 

#5 You feel more at home in Bogota than Bognor.

#6 You direct people using buildings that no longer exist as landmarks. ‘Oh it’s straight past the Swiss Centre, left at the end and then right at Astoria. You’re welcome!’

Mordor

 

#7 The idea of walking through Piccadilly Circus feels slightly less preferable than walking through Mordor. 

#8 You know where to get on the train so that when it arrives at your station you’re handily placed right in front of the exit. 

#9 Being charged £7.95 for a fish-finger sandwich in a chain pub doesn’t strike you as borderline criminal.

#10 Your reaction to a rodent infestation is 'God, is it autumn already?'. 

#11 Haggling down your annual rent increase from 10 percent to 9 percent feels like a MASSIVE victory.

#12 You can only understand foreign cities by comparing their neighbourhoods to different areas of London. ‘So it’s like the Dalston of Barcelona?’

#13 You always know where the nearest Sam Smiths pub is.

#14 You enjoy hitting people with your elbows who try to get onto the tube before you’ve got off.

#15 You find yourself saying ‘stand further back!’ when someone can’t get through the tube barriers.

Pint

 

#16 You don’t even look up from your game of CandyCrush when a woman carrying a tiny dog in a handbag elbows you on the escalator. 

#17 Your kitchen contains two different types of sriracha (but no actual food).

#18 You are unfazed by the sound of fox sex. 

#19 You become FURIOUS when you get an escalator in another city and everyone stands on both sides.

#20 You actually know how to get into the Barbican Centre.

#21 You can remember the days when you had a garden. Just about.

#22 You don’t feel at all embarrassed barking ‘move down inside the carriage please’.

#23 You know which ‘No entry’ signs in tube stations to ignore in order to enjoy a cheeky short cut to the platform.

 

 

 

#24 No price for a pint is capable of making you blink. 

#25 The sight of a pancaked pigeon in the road triggers no reaction in you whatsoever - like a psychopath observing a murder scene.   

#26 Your nearest library is a telephone box, a bookcase at a tube station or a shelf in the reception of your building.

#27 Your postcode indicates an ordinal direction and not the initials of the nearest large town or city. 

#28 You kill another Londoner in fair and open combat and take his precious Londoner amulet as your own. (We think that's how it works.)

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Comments

6 comments
Jane E
Jane E

#21 I have a lovely garden, but everything else is true.

Mars G
Mars G

A true Londoner cycles instead of bothering with the tube, via the back roads 
Buys a coffee to the local tramp and listens to his/hers complaint exactly 2 1/2 seconds

Oxford street is for tourists

Smiles at the above neurosis usually from London transients who are in fact Australians in the banking industry's  gap year.
Avoids finishing up the pint when conversation turns to tax rebates, property ladder and the 'Big Society ' mantra.

Calls the cops when a very drunk woman is splashed on the High Street, left to her own device by her friends.

Jane E
Jane E

@Mars G Oxford Street is indeed for tourists. ....went to Soho Theatre last year, had forgotten how grotty that end of Oxford Street is.

Max P
Max P

I lived in London for 16 years and as Italian I can say that most of the attitudes are easily perceived as normal: But the following ones don't seem to apply to us. 1, 11, 13, 14, 15, 16, (17 no way), 24 and 28. We get accustomed to a certain way of life but we use a different common sense from the true Londoners, for instance when it's about remembering which is the cheapest pint or nearest pub or anything to do with getting a booze, we don't really bother that much although we enjoy a pint every now and then. We would rather pay attention not to bump into people than ignoring them when it was our fault, we were taught in a different way when it's about respecting people. We would definitely give a strong facial expression than hitting someone with the elbow. 28 is the worse, Italians don't drop that much low to demonstrate how big and better they are.

Kevin C
Kevin C

1 No
2 Yes
3 Yes
4 What is 'soot nose'?
5 Never been to either
6 I use Tyburn & Fleet Prison
7 One does not simply walk into Piccadilly Circus
8 Definately
9 Who the f*ck goes to a pub to eat fish finger sadwiches?
10 Bring it on, ratty. Too many cats on our street!
11 N/A
12 Doesn't work in Paris
13 I prefer lager
14 I don't enjoy it (still do it)
15 F*ck 'em. I don't work for TFL!
16 What is Candy Crush?
17 Is that a mould-like bacteria? Then yes.
18 It's only twice a year...
19 When in Rome...
20 Um... Is it near the Barbican Tube Station?
21 Yes
22 No (I wish I worked for TFL).
23 No
24 No
25 I do shout at cats to be careful though
26 No
27 It's LONDON, SO OF COURSE IT DOES!
28 I just their wallets.




dee b
dee b

you missed out being unfazed by tube strikes / customer on the lines /