Fabric's 13th birthday party

Prepare to put in one epic stint and join the 30-hour birthday bender this weekend

This weekend, Sat Oct 20–Mon Oct 22, legendary club Fabric celebrates 13 years by opening non-stop from Saturday night to Monday morning. If you're planning on joinging the party, do not go unprepared. Oliver Keens draws up a schedule

Be the last man standing and follow our schedule

  • Saturday 11pm

    Doors open, but don't start raving immediately. Instead, channel Mr Motivator and spend the first half-hour warming up with some light lunges.

  • Sunday 4am

    Time to bring out the big moves. Make the next hour a personal tribute to the club's history by running through dance styles from the last 13 years. Start with some classic late-'90s trance moves (think 'big box, little box'), work in the 'Rolex Sweep' and end with a rousing 'Gangnam Style' gallop for some zeitgeisty panache.

  • Sunday 6am

    Find some wacky souls hanging around one of the five bars and suggest a massive game of hide and seek.

  • Sunday 8.15am

    Assume that because those strangers you only just met haven't found you under a pile of coats in room three that you are now the reigning king of hide and seek. Email the Guinness World Records people and return to the dancefloor a champion.

  • Sunday 9am

    If you need to offset ten solid hours of hedonism, St Bartholomew-the-Great church is nearby. Sunday service begins at 9am, so use your wristband to nip out for some brief salvation before returning for more sordid house music.

  • Sunday 1pm

    Meal time! One can't live on smoke machine vapour alone, so make a dash to Tinseltown just round the corner. It's a Hollywood-themed diner in the heart of London, making it a perfectly freaky location for your current state.

  • Monday 5am

    Congratulations, you've made it. Lead a hilarious call of '12 more tunes!' and hug everyone in sight. Don't let the sarcastic auto-reply from the Guinness World Records bring you down – you're still a total hero. Now go to work...