With hints of Camden Market and a touch of Oxford Street tourist grotto, this novelty tee is the easiest way to say ‘Most likely to not give a fuck’ without literally saying it this summer. Rihanna might have cultivated her ‘couldn’t care less’ attitude over years of being so rich that she really doesn’t need you to buy her album, but now you can share her ‘Anti’ spirit for a tiny tiny fraction of her net worth.
Run The Jewels duvet cover
It’s time to switch up your sheets with a duvet set so exciting it competes with the dinosaur one that your mate from school always used to brag about. Featuring the left-leaning NYC hip hop duo’s distinctive logo, it’s the perfect way to ensure all guests know you’re both sexually and politically active. Essential if you’re planning to bed a Bernie Sanders fan anytime soon.
Major Lazer swimsuit
We all need an item in our wardrobe to pull out when someone asks: ‘But how much do you really love EDM?’ And this Major Lazer two-piece does that and more. In fact, there’s also a peace sign on the back, making it ideal for those awkward moments when an angry hippy doubts that EDM and CND are compatible. We’ve all been there.
Zayn Malik vintage T-shirt
Prove you’re both woke and viciously on trend by sporting this ‘vintage’ rock T-shirt featuring 2016’s biggest hype trap Zayn Malik. Guaranteed to be as iconic as those original Rolling Stones tops in 30 years’ time. Maybe. Zayn’s album might have been a flop, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t fly the Z-flag in style.
Father John Misty leggings
Ever wanted over-sharing and libidinous singer Father John Misty wrapped tightly around your legs? Just slip on these leggings inspired by the singer’s ‘I Love You, Honeybear’ album art. Wear them to festivals to ensure nearby hallucinogen-users have a horrific trip, or to a Stoke Newington yoga class to prove you’re the most Stoke Newington person in Stoke Newington.
Slaves wrapping paper
Are you a mum looking to please your indie-obsessed teenager? Are you scared they’re going to hate their birthday gift of Next socks and a Burton shirt? Just wrap them up in this Slaves print wrapping paper and your child is guaranteed to be fooled into thinking they’re cool. Nothing says punk like gift wrap!
Beyoncé phone case
Tired of your boyfriend trying to mansplain the importance of Beyoncé to you? Just flash this phone case at him for maximum impact, minimum effort. If he still doesn’t get the message it’s probably time for a break-up. Boy bye!
Jake Bugg mug
Prove the haters wrong with novelty crockery that shows Jake Bugg is both not-boring and happy to take this piss out of himself. Available in a daring colour palette of black on black, this mug is emblazoned with the Jake Bugg logo reworked so it reads… ‘Jake Mugg’! Terms & conditions: Owners must remind onlookers that the use of the word ‘mug’ refers to the drinking vessel, not to Jake’s personality.
Angus Young of AC/DC famously wears school uniform on stage. So naturally, a tie is the perfect band merch item. But who wears ties? People who work in banks and offices. Does that make an AC/DC tie genuinely rebellious, or the kind of thing a ‘cool’ teacher would wear to a high school Battle of the Bands?