How to smoke alfresco
From July 1, tobacco fiends will be forced on to the street. The traditional look for the outdoor smoker is hunch-shouldered misery, pacing around like a prisoner in an exercise yard. Time Out shows you how to retain your dignity whilst enjoying both fresh air and the evil weed.
© Mick Brownfield
1. In inclement weather, a mouthpiece expeller secured within one’s hollowed-out umbrella stem makes a delightful pavement chimney.
2. Always utilise your urban surroundings with panache. Why not use passing hoodies as portable ashtrays? With a few minor adjustments, one could adopt a parking meter as a pipe rack.
3. No doubt new-age anti-smokers condone the waft of incense. Well, a stylishly customised smoking cap could hold up to ten simultaneously burning Cuban cigars guaranteed to purify the most nauseating of Islington high streets.
4. One should never apologise for imbibing the noble weed. On the way outdoors, parade your addiction and celebrate it for all its joy.
5. Why not construct a crystal throne from discarded ashtrays? Puff away while regally waving at the hoi polloi as they pass by.
6. As you savour your fine tobacco, always appear detached to avoid verbal intercourse with the roll-up-smoking street urchins next to you. They may try to squat on your part of the pavement. Simply look deep in thought, even when stumbling off the kerb rat-arsed on nicotine.
7. I see little need in being evicted from the seat of one’s favourite hostelry. Simply procure a telescopic cigarette holder and poke it out of the window.
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