Timeout New York Kids

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Aye, Aye Mommy!

If all of those somber parenting self-help books aren’t helping you or your kids, maybe you should raise a sail and let the wind take you in a different parenting direction—specifically, to the high seas, full of ships to plunder for treasure. Or, that’s what Tim Bete’s new parenting book would have you believe, if you make the mistake of taking the satire seriously. The parody, Guide to Pirate Parenting, offers up tips on how to make your kiddo into a “plunderer of the high seas or suburbs,” and answers common questions, such as “What is scurvy and how can I change my pirate’s diet to prevent it?”

So if you have suspicions that your tot may be leaning toward a life of pillaging, read over Bete’s list of pirate-kid traits, including “When mom’s water broke, the baby yelled ‘I sail with the tide!’” just to be sure that your tot has what it takes. Then you can start preparing the scurvy pup for a life at sea. First step—transforming your minivan into a pirate schooner, complete with cannons and a crow’s nest.

Or maybe you could just buy the book for a good laugh.

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