Each week, we take two New Yorkers who swear they're totally undateable, and put our matchmaking skills to the test. Afterward, we find out what went well on their date, and what went horribly, horribly wrong. Photograph: Kelsey Dubinsky Why they're single:Alyssa: She’s picky and has trouble finding someone with a good sense of humor.Billy: He has a busy schedule, and it takes more than just a beautiful woman to turn his head Ideal date:Alyssa: Happy hour at a bar, or something very noncommittal.Billy: A picnic in Central Park THE DATE First impressionAlyssa: “I didn’t want to be that girl who’s late, and I was trying really hard, but I was about three minutes late. He stood up, and we hugged. He was really nice and charming.”Billy: “She was about five minutes late, which annoyed the shit out of me. As soon as she walked into the room, I knew she wasn’t the girl for me. She didn’t have the goods.” ChemistryAlyssa: “He’s an actor, and that’s totally uncharted territory for me. I like a really stable job in a significant other. But the conversation was very friendly. He did a lot of the talking.”Billy: “Whether I was attracted to her or not, I still had to sit there for two hours and be a gentlemen. We had a nice conversation. She complimented me many times.” Awkward MomentAlyssa: “A couple of times he told me not to be nervous. I wasn’t nervous, but that made me second-guess myself and get in my head. And then the conversation stalled.”Billy: “She ordered her f
Snap. Crackle. Pop. These are sounds I don’t want to hear from your grossly agape mouth while you shovel in your morning cereal. RECOMMENDED: See more New York rants Perhaps living in NYC—densely populated with humans and all their indecorous habits—is a bad idea for anyone who suffers from misophonia, the typically self-diagnosed (but gravely real) hatred of noises like chewing and sniffling. It’s no secret that, generally, each city dweller lives in a few-hundred-square-foot space, often shared with other people who probably snore, in an apartment building that almost certainly has leaky pipes, underneath tenants who obviously have a yappy dog. Yet month after month, we pay our rent, and year after year, we renew our lease just to continue traveling to work via the same subway cars overcrowded with mouth breathers, gum crackers and oafs who listen to music through earbuds that might as well be surround-sound speakers. Sure, it’s on us sufferers of this rage-inducing condition to find coping mechanisms, which is why I listen to white noise for hours on end, like a psychopath, to mask the noise of that salad being crunched, that soup being slurped, those carrot sticks being gnawed. But people, since every smack of your lips registers to my ears as a pointy nail dragging down a long chalkboard, can you just close your trap? I remember learning “chew with your mouth shut” around the same time as “tell the truth.” Here’s the truth: Petting-zoo table manners make me want to
If renting an apartment in New York costs an arm and a leg, buying a home in the city comes at the expense of all four limbs and one's will to live. Real estate prices have soared over the past two decades, leaving millennials who are hoping to buy a home with fewer options than the generations preceding them. A new study from Adobo dug into home-buying trends among people under the age of 35 in markets across the country and came to some pretty interesting conclusions. Aside from the already obvious fact that real estate is disgustingly cheaper in almost every other market in the country, the study found that the New York metropolitan area has one of the lowest millennial homeownership rates in the country at 19.8 percent. Nationwide, roughly 32 percent of millennials are homeowners, and that figure is upward of 40 percent in markets like Des Moines, Iowa and Grand Rapids, Michigan. But Gothamites, who are forced to reckon with everything from rising home prices, high student loan debts and expensive costs of living, the path to owning real estate is not so simple. Adobo looked into the median income among millennials in the 100 largest markets across the country and compared it to the average cost of homes bought by members of the generation in each area. The study then calculated how long it would take to afford a 20 percent down payment on that average home price if one saved 15 percent of their income. For New Yorkers, the answer is 22 years. If you're an average
Like that of Edward Hopper, the work of Alexander Calder is a mainstay of the Whitney’s collection. Every few years, the museum trots out another exhibition that attempts to put a new spin on one of these two warhorses. (In fact, it held joint shows of Calder and Hopper only three years ago.) This year’s model focuses on Calder’s use of movement, the defining quality that cemented his sculptures’ place in art history. In 1931, Calder invented mobiles, graceful arrangements of wire—sometimes strung with weightier elements of metal and wood—so precisely balanced that a touch or even a light breeze sends the individual parts turning or swaying in space. They quickly became worldwide museum fodder, and their bastard stepchildren hang everywhere from airport terminals to babies’ cribs. Alexander Calder, Aluminum Leaves, Red Post, 1941 Photograph: Jerry L. Thompson, Courtesy Whitney Museum of American Art, New York, © 2017 Calder Foundation, New York/Artists Rights Society, New York The Whitney devotes its entire top floor to 36 of Calder’s works, from early experiments with motorized parts—many newly restored and operational for the first time in decades—to a single stabile, the large freestanding sculpture The Arches (1959), to which a wall text gamely imputes “implied movement” because it looks different from various angles. The stars of the show, however, are the unmechanized mobiles—both the standing variety, with moving components sprouting from a base,
The infamous pizza rat of 2015 is no longer the most "New York" rodent online. Last week, subway riders spotted a raccoon on an uptown-bound 6 train. While mice and rats have been known to scurry across underground tracks, platforms and occasionally even the floors of subway cars, this raccoon was downright commuting. The animal had secured a coveted bench seat and was being fed from a small plastic dish by a woman who was apparently its keeper. WildlifeNYC warns not to feed raccoons, and if this mammal did in fact belong to its feeder as a pet, the legality of the ownership is dubious at best. The city forbids keeping a raccoon without a license, and licenses are not available for pet purposes. Eyewitness and model Brooke Hogan filmed the raccoon via Snapchat, and the experience has gone viral. A post shared by SubwayCreatures (@subwaycreatures) on Jun 21, 2017 at 1:42pm PDT The reaction from commuters varied from humor to horror. The Instagram account Subway Creatures, which reposted Hogan’s original video, documents all the strange happenings which seem to be near-daily occurrences on New York subways. While one Instagram commenter claimed “I would’ve jumped off the train," a more jaded one simply stated “I would just be mad that her bag is taking up another seat." Another commenter shrugged it off as a byproduct of the heat, writing “lmao people become so strange in the summer." In a city where stranger things have happened (and will presumably conti
Category is... canine couture eleganza extravaganza. On Saturday, July 15, Freddy's Bar will host the fifth annual edition of their Doggy Fashion Show. The benefit for Sean Casey Animal Rescue invites dogs to walk down a raised runway and serve four-legged glamour on a red carpet in front of a step-and-repeat. Comedians Courtney Maginnis and Jim Search host the proceedings, which includes live musical acts and plenty of bites and beers. The party starts at 5pm, but those looking to compete should show up from 3:30–5:30pm with their fully-dressed doggies to register. Last year's winner, Trigger, slayed the competition and won the Xena Crown with a Lone Ranger-inspired get-up. This year, the champ returns to hand over the crown. Who will win? Who will fall? Who will get distracted on stage and start sniffing butts? Photograph: Courtesy Max Kristula-Green, Furtography You can find more info about the show here.
Yes, Independence Day falls on a Tuesday this year, but it’s still your patriotic duty to celebrate, dammit! Free yourself from the tyranny of the work week at these great gigs, all happening on July 4. Blue Note Jazz FestivalThis free concert at South Street Seaport commemorates that most American of art forms: jazz. The brass-heavy lineup includes saxophonist David Sanborn, trumpeter Maurice “Mobetta” Brown and Hypnotic Brass Ensemble—a literal band of brothers consisting of trumpeter Phil Cohran’s eight sons. Stay put after the show for a prime view of the fireworks. South Street Seaport, Fulton St at Front St (southstreetseaport.com). 5:30–9pm; free. Summer of Love at the ParkNYC underground staple Eli Escobar serves house and disco flavors at this good old-fashioned Independence Day BBQ. There’s sure to be a line to get into House of Yes’s free day party, so don your most over-the-top “patriotic AF” costume to skip straight to the front. How’s that for American exceptionalism? Onderdonk House, 1820 Flushing Ave, Queens (houseofyes.org/love). 1–9pm; with R.S.V.P. free, at the door $10. Midsummer Night Swing: David Ostwald’s Louis Armstrong Eternity BandSatchmo always celebrated his birthday on the Fourth of July, and Lincoln Center continues that tradition with this alfresco dance-athon dedicated to the trumpeter’s greatest hits. Like Armstrong said, your feet won’t keep still when they swing that music, so come early to learn some tucks and spins at a free dance lesso
1. Bryant Park hosts outdoor events all summer, and tonight there’s a free Accordion Picnic. At 6pm, the midtown park will have live music from the best accordion players in the city. 2. If you’re a Broad City fan, head to the free trivia night at Essex. Bring up to three teammates and get there before it starts at 8pm to get a good table. 3. Spend the night watching hilarious improv and stand-up comics at Union Pool in Williamsburg. Hosted by Carmen Christopher, The Juice show starts at 8pm and costs just $5. For more events, check in with Time Out throughout the day.
Here’s more proof hat New York is a nonstop party during the sunniest time of the year! If you haven’t noticed, the city turns into an epic dance floor every summer thanks to kick-ass, outdoor boogie fests at local attractions and lush green spaces. However, no other open-air fete compares to the ever-magical soiree Midsummer Night Swing at Lincoln Center. RECOMMENDED: Midsummer Night Swing in NYC guide The three-week festival encourages toe-tapping revelers to twist, turn and twirl under the stars to jams provided by musicians at Damrosch Park. For folks who don’t know how to bust it, each night begins at 6:30pm with a free lesson provided by some of Gotham’s best instructors, followed by live band performances from 7:30pm until 10pm. Although the term swing is included in the title of the event, each one of the 15 bashes highlights a specific genre of dance, from disco and ballroom to salsa (and swing!). The festival kicks off tonight at 6pm with swingin’ performances by The Legendary Count Basie Orchestra. Disco group Loser’s Lounge inspires you to do the hustle on Thursday 29. Singer-songwriter-producer Binky Griptite and his funktastic Rhythm and Blues Orchestra play on Saturday 1, and Issac Delgado (a.k.a. El Chévere de la Salsa) and his darn tootin’ horn section take over on July 5. Keep on jiving after hours (until 11:30pm) during the hour-and-a-half Silent Disco parties, at which DJs play your choice of tunes into wireless headphones on select evenings. Word t
For about three years now, it’s been my job to write about how great New York is—the attractions, the bars, the one-of-a-kind events—but today I got to experience how great New Yorkers are. This morning, I was on the Brooklyn-bound A train that derailed between the 135th and 125th Street stations. I was heading to work when it started screeching and swerving. There was a flash and then all the lights went out. Then smoke. Someone screamed and started to run to the back where I was sitting. The smoke smelled like awful burnt rubber and appeared dense in the light cast by phone flashlights. "Calm down!" a few soothing voices yelled, halting the people rushing to the back. People closer to the front of the car said they saw fire on the tracks in front of us, though I didn't see it. Later I read reports of sparks and others about flames caused by debris. I'm not sure what they saw. We couldn't hear anything over the intercom in our car. No cell service. The door to the last car was locked. After several attempts, a man kicked the window of the door open. We began calmly exiting single file to the last train through the door window. We were still under the impression there was a fire. If the flame came any closer, the idea was to escape down the tunnel out the last train. I helped one person then another climb through the window, holding purses, lending an arm. A shorter woman came—a man and I lifted her through the window. He followed her to help her through the next. I fo