Good news: Officials claim that New York would survive an attack by Godzilla
So that’s one less thing to worry about
Tue May 13 2014
New York has been through its fair share of ordeals. In just the last 15 years, we've endured hurricanes, terror attacks and winters that would make Ned Stark pine for home. (If he still had a head to pine with, that is. Oh come on, we don't have to add spoiler alerts for season one, surely?) But how would New York fare if it came under attack from a giant monster? Going by 2008's Cloverfield, not so well, but with Godzilla stomping into theaters this week, the good people of the Office of Emergency Management have assured the Daily News that should an atomic dinosaur come knocking, this city's prepared.
Well…prepared is a strong word. It's probably fair to say that if New York came under assault from a 100-story personification of nuclear trauma, most of us would freak right the fuck out. But according to Joseph Bruno, commissioner of the OEM, the protocols that have been developed since both 9/11 and the back-to-back attacks of hurricanes Irene and Sandy would be more than up to the challenge of saving civilian lives. The main approach would involve area evacuations in what Bruno calls a "hub and spoke" approach, assessing which areas are most under threat, and moving that district's residents to a safer place, such as the Bronx.
It all sounds good in theory, but there's one question that remains very much unanswered—if Godzilla comes into town, how the hell do we get away from his irritating klutz of a nephew, Godzooky? Because that guy ruins everything. Especially theme songs.
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Editor: Marley Lynch (@marleyasinbob)