Hey, Mom! You Gonna Eat That?

Tonight, in a special Thanksgiving edition of "You Gonna Eat That?," we're interrupting the dinner of my mom, a small, delightful woman who majored in history and drinks from a coffee cup with a picture of her fetching daughters on it, which her daughters gave her. The terms of this interview had to be agreed upon ahead of time: "You can't make me look like a dork. You cannot make me look like a dork!" Oh, Mom!


What's this we're enjoying tonight?
I'm having turkey, stuffing, green beans and cranberry sauce.

How is it?
It's terrific! [Pause] Oh, people are going to think I cooked it myself and that I'm incredibly cocky.

And who cooked this turkey?
You know!

I do.
Your father.

Yes. And there was some drama with the turkey, was there not?
There was. It wasn't cooked enough after he thought it was and then he accidentally spilled some gravy on the floor.

But everything worked out in the end, right?

Who do you like better, me or my sister?
I wouldn't answer that question in a million years!

I knew it! Sorry, Laura! Now out of six possible stars, how many stars would you give this meal?
I'd give it a four because we left out certain items that we normally have.

Why did we do that?
Because it was just the three of us this year so we didn't bother.

What do you miss most?
The yams. But then again, I don't feel as uncomfortably full as usual, which is good.