Male call

Seven dudes Julia knows comment on seven first-date outfits that she actually owns.

The guys

Ricky Van Veen, 26, editor-in-chief, College Humor
John Mulaney, 25, comedian
Matt Titus, 40, dating coach
Steve Santagati, 43, New York Times best-selling author of The Manual
Kristian Laliberte, 24, gay boy-about-town, stylist-publicist
Dr. Bobby Buka, 33, celebrity dermatologist
John Neffinger, 35, public-speaking coach

Julia Allison dating advice
Juicy Couture jeans; James Perse tank top; Moe CLICK bag

Photo: Alexander Milligan

1. Casual

Van Veen: “I’m all for jeans, but there may be AMBER alerts out for small children lost in those giant pant legs.”
Titus: “This is adorable. The casual is a lot less intimidating than the work ensemble, and if you want a guy to ask you out again, this outfit won’t scare them off!”
Santagati: “It’s simple and I know the girl wearing it is comfortable enough with herself to show up like this. Plus I get to see a hint of a few of my favorite things—and I don’t mean silver white winters that melt into spring. Just get rid of the turquoise table-tennis paddle.”
Laliberte: “You look like you are going to a hippie retreat to score some ass.”
Neffinger: “Oh my God, Jules, you're wearing jeans! Did you actually put them on or just Photoshop this? If you showed up in this, forget the reservations: We’re heading to the East Village for people-watching, window-shopping, conversation and cheap eats. Much as I love jeans, though, these are ridiculous—a designer version of the kind in which misanthropic teens scuff around sweeping the streets.”

Julia Allison dating advice
Nannette Lepore suit, at Bloomingdale's; Nine Westshoes; Chanel bag

Photo: Alexander Milligan

2. Straight from work

Mulaney: “This reminds me of that Michael Douglas movie Disclosure where the characters almost bone followed by conflict.”
Titus: “I can never resist this look on a woman. It’s sexy for some reason, maybe the whole secretary-with-glasses thing? Where are the glasses?”
Santagati: “If you’re coming straight from the office then you better undo another button on your top, or I’m going to talk about real-estate prices, politics or accounting with you in this outfit.”
Laliberte: “Kind of Princess Diana–ish before she got trendy. I’d wear this if you really don’t want any action and you are trying to keep it professional. If you wore the jacket unbuttoned with skinny jeans and stiletto boots, that would be perfect.”
Buka: “I call this one the ‘Julia Allison.’ The ultimate in self-promotion. She made fun of you in the high-school cafeteria; now she runs PR for every celebrity you’ll never meet.”

Julia Allison dating advice
Diane Von Furstenberg dress; Nine West shoes; Moe CLICK bag

Photo: Alexander Milligan

3. Little red dress

Van Veen: “Definitely good for a blind date with a bullfighter.”
Santagati: “This dress is the scarlet letter b for boring. If I wanted to date a woman from the cover of Good Housekeeping, I would hang out in suburbia.”
Laliberte: “I love this one. Fancy, but not too cocktaily. It’s revealing, but still demure. The red shoes are a little too matchy-matchy, though.”
Buka: “Okay, I get it: red dress, red shoes, red lipstick. It’s so put together I’m afraid to touch it. Can this girl even fart?”

Julia Allison dating advice
Le Shack by Tracy Feith dress, at Bergdorf; Chanel bag; Bebe shoes

Photo: Alexander Milligan

4. Preppy

Van Veen: “How convenient that our date is a picnic and you brought the tablecloth!”
Titus: “No man can resist the preppy look. It’s just like Charlotte in Sex and the City.”
Santagati: “The girls from Wellesley would wear this crap but were often good in bed. When a girl wears this she’s saying, ‘I’m conservative on the outside but naughty as all hell on the inside.’ ”
Buka: “This is the girl you take cow-tipping or to a rodeo. Good, clean fun until somebody gets pregnant in the back of the Ford pickup.”

Julia Allison dating advice
Chanel dress; Manolo Blanik shoes; Chanel purse

Photo: Alexander Milligan

5. Little black dress

Mulaney: “Meanwhile uptown, Charlotte and Trey blah blah blah…”
Titus: “This is my favorite. It’s classy, sophisticated and not too done up. It doesn’t look like you spent all day getting ready, but that you care about how you look and it’s sassy!”
Santagati: “It’s cute if you’re 50 and going to an Upper East Side luncheon with your Yorkie.”

Julia Allison dating advice
Bebe dress; Moe CLICK bag

Photo: Alexander Milligan

6. Sexy

Van Veen: “Wow, leave a little something to the imagination. For example, your cervix.”
Mulaney: “Are you holding a shoehorn? What is that?”
Laliberte: “I actually kind of like this if you wore a cute little jacket on top, and kept it on.”
Buka: “This is the girl Mom warned me about: This ensemble reads open Boxster and Bridgehampton. Order the salad, because I’m going to be buying lots of Veuve.”

Julia Allison dating advice
Alice & Olivia coat dress; American Apparel leggings; Nine West shoes; Chanel bag

Photo: Alexander Milligan

7. High fashion

Van Veen: “Where does she think I’m taking her, Mars 2112?”
Santagati: “The worst outfit I’ve ever seen—astronaut meets aerobic instructor is never a good look. Plus the lipstick is like someone melted a red crayon and smeared it on your face.”
Buka: “This dress is melting my retinas! High fashion, my foot! Send this space girl back to the ship.”