What Michael Cera should learn from these celebrity train wrecks on Broadway
Arrested Development’s hilarious man-child makes his Broadway debut in August; here are the scenarios he should avoid
Wed Apr 9 2014
Today it was announced that TV and film actor Michael Cera will make his Broadway debut in Steppenwolf Theatre Company's revival of This Is Our Youth, Kenneth Lonergan's 1996 breakout play. Cera appears alongside Scott Pilgrim costar/roommate Kieran Culkin as cynical New York teens mixed up with stolen drug money. The director is Anna D. Shapiro, current ushering the also-starry Of Mice and Men to opening night next Wednesday with James Franco and Chris O'Dowd.
We can't wait to see Cera, crown prince of cringe comedy, on the Great White Way. But celebrity ego and the rigors of theater acting can be a toxic combination. Here are notorious examples of Hollywood-on-Broadway flameouts we hope Cera will avoid.
Don't do a Piven: Stuff your face with too much sushi, cry mercury poisoning and quit your run halfway through. You'll end up a showbiz pariah, forced to star in a crappy PBS series about Edwardian malls.
Don't do a LaBeouf: Be such an unbearable prick during rehearsals that you get fired, then take to Twitter and make an even bigger ass of yourself.
Don't do a Taymor: We know you're not directing the play, but if you ever find yourself strapped into an aerial harness and Shapiro tells you to jump off a 30-foot-high platform, unbuckle that shit.
Don't do a Baldwin: When the critics bash your performance, write a long, boorish, self-aggrandizing screed on the Huffington Post about how Broadway has become a cold, corporate, artless wasteland.
Don't do an Applegate: Push yourself too hard in previews, break an ankle dancing, then hobble to opening night in a cast.
Don't do a Franco: Okay, he survived nearly hooking up with a 17-year-old he met at the stage door, but you just know Franco's going to do something stupid before Of Mice and Men closes.
Got all that Michael? Great! Now break a leg! Wait! Nooooooo!
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Editor: Marley Lynch (@marleyasinbob)