Top ten ways David Letterman can spend his retirement in New York

With the late-night giant retiring next year, we’ve thought of a few fun activities to keep him occupied

Photograph: MediaPunch Inc/REX USA

Just two days ago, we talked about the influx of retirement-aged folks moving into the Brooklyn area, and now we’re wondering if maybe they’ll get themselves a famous neighbor to boot. After more than 32 years, David Letterman has announced that he’ll finally be ready to call it a day in 2015: The statement has caused a torrent of rumors as to who’ll be sitting in that famous chair come next year—names floating around currently range from the predictable (Craig Ferguson, Chelsea Handler) to the bizarre (John Leguizamo)—but we’re more interested in knowing just what Letterman will be doing with his time once he quits. Here are a few suggestions for things Dave can do in the city.

10. Drop 200 containers of Activia off the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater.
9. Go heckle Jimmy Fallon.
8. Rack up speeding tickets on his Power Chair.
7. Go to Glory Social Club to gossip with all the alter kockers.
6. Invite Oprah to Gold's Gym in Dumbo, and settle their rivalry once and for all in the ring.
5. Break into Gracie Mansion and tell everyone he's Mayor de Blasio's wife.
4. Finally sue subway dentist Dr. Marvin Lagman for giving him that gap tooth.
3. Find his old suit of Velcro and see if he'll stick to the climbing wall at Chelsea Piers.
2. Be in the studio audience for late-night TV shows, now that he has time to wait in line all day.
1. Start a long-distance bromance with Jay Leno.

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Editor: Marley Lynch (@marleyasinbob)

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