A Southern saunter

We reckon y'all better slow it down for this countrified ramble.

1 Head on down to Brother Jimmy’s BBQ (416 Eighth Ave at 31st; 212-967-7603, brotherjimmys.com), a premiere Dixieland college-basketball hangout. While sports are key, it’s the ultra-tan Southern waitresses who really run the place. Feeling clueless? Grab a PBR and hone those Dick Cheney shooting skills on the Big Buck Hunter. (Camo not included.)

2 Southerners love them some Jesus. Admire the beautiful steeple of the Church of the Holy Apostles (296 Ninth Ave at 28th St; 212-807-6799, holyapostlesnyc.org) as you cut a path through pretty Penn South Playground to 26th Street.

3 Now that you’re rested, mosey on down to The Trailer Park Lounge & Grill (271 W 23rd St at Eighth Ave; 212-463-8000, trailerparklounge.com), where every inch of the haunt is done up in Gummo kitsch: Vintage soda signs, a 40¢ cigarette-vending machine and a PBR-swilling, fuzzy-slipper-wearing pregnant mannequin are just the beginning. We suggest the impressively strong $5 frozen strawberry margarita or the Can-O-Champagne ($7).

4 If you grew up Southern, you knew at least one person with an animal head mounted on their wall. Check out the buck hanging at Dan’s Chelsea Guitars (220 W 23rd St between Seventh and Eighth Aves; 212-675-4993), and try a Skynyrd lick on the sweet 1957 Gibson J-45 acoustic.

5 Ax that hunger with a slab of award-winning meat from RUB BBQ (208 W 23rd St between Seventh and Eighth Aves; 212-524-4300). No honky-tonk stuff here—just a modern take on burnt ends, fried green tomatoes and deep-fried Oreos.

6 Wanna-be Southern belles and Texas cowboys can find themselves some real deals at The Family Jewels Vintage Clothing emporium (130 W 23rd between Sixth and Seventh Aves; 212-633-6020, familyjewelsnyc.com), which specializes in square-dancing dresses, one-of-a-kind Western shirts and shitkicker boots.

7 How do Confederate ladies maintain their peaches ’n’ cream complexions? With lots of indulgent beauty products. Stop by Sabon (78 Seventh Ave at 15th St; 646-486-1809, sabonnyc.com) for a free hand treatment and to-go slices of fresh-cut Israeli soap in honey-peach.

8 Juicy tidbit! The red building on the corner of Sixth Avenue and 11th Street (adjacent to the cemetery) has a secret. It sits on the former site of the Grapevine, a Civil War tavern where Union officers (and Confederate spies) collected to drink and talk business. Hence the phrase I heard it through the Grapevine.

9 Cool off at The Pink Tea Cup (42 Grove St between Bedford and Bleecker Sts; 212-807-6755, thepinkteacup.com) with the sweetest sweet tea you’ve ever tasted. Fun fact to share while sippin’: In the 1600s, the Village was considered one of the finest tobacco plantations in America.

10 What better way to remember your walk than with a Southern-themed souvenir? Continue down Grove, go north on Hudson and stop at the Cowgirl General Store (519 Hudson St at 10th St; 212-633-1133, cowgirlnyc.com), great for braided belts, rock candy, farm toys and other geegaws.

11 We’re hoping you’ve saved room for some Paula Deen–caliber desserts. (Did we mention Southern folks like to eat?) Bourbon Street Southern Gourmet Pantry (529 Hudson St between Charles and W 10th Sts, 212-337-0988) boasts award-winning sweet jams and syrups, plus an organic hummingbird cake made with banana, vanilla, cinnamon, and topped with cream cheese icing. Y’all will definitely come back now.