Five things we learned at…Robin Williams's Q&A in the New York Comedy Festival

A manic comic looks back on Mrs. Doubtfire's favorite dildos and why Afghan assassins love him.

Robin Williams

Robin Williams Photograph: Susan Schneider

Everyone loves Robin Williams—old people, young people and hired assassins. While performing for the troops in Afghanistan, he noticed one audience member who was laughing hysterically. He inquired about him and was told, “He’s actually an Afghan assassin who works with us. He’s a big fan.”

If you’re Mrs. Doubtfire, size does matter. In between shooting scenes for Mrs. Doubtfire, Williams moseyed into a nearby sex shop in full attire and politely asked the clerk, “I’d like to see the lovely double-headed dildo. Do you have something larger, with a bit more girth?”

Method acting is about as easy as peeing yourself. An acting teacher once told Williams that method acting is like urinating in brown corduroy pants: “You feel fabulous. We see nothing.”

After his heart attack, Williams’s heartbeat sounded like an Afro-Cuban band. “My heart was all out of rhythm. It sounded like I had Tito Puente on the front valve. Then they do an angiogram, which is going through your groin to get to your heart. And who knew that was the way to a man’s heart? I have a cow valve now. It’s wonderful. I can shit standing up.”

Williams is as much a philanthropist as he is a comic. He’s done a significant amount of work with Comic Relief (, a charitable organization providing assistance to homeless people that has raised nearly $50 million. Williams remembers George Carlin kicking off an anorexia-awareness telethon with “Somehow, I can’t feel sorry for an anorexic, ya know? Rich cunt don’t wanna eat—fuck her.” Announcer: “The lines are now open.”