8 supremely weird quotes from Internet-sex comedy troupe Blogologues

From bronies to cock-chowder, the local sketch group doesn’t shy away from the most outlandish online sex behavior

Photograph: Lindsay May Cook

Are you familiar with Blogologues yet? The comedy troupe has been highlighting the weirdest bits of the already-weird Internet with live-action variety shows for the past three years. Here's how it works: Co-creators Allison Goldberg and Jen Jamula pluck funny, outlandish and sometimes disturbing content from the Web (Twitter, OkCupid, freaky Tumblrs—you name it), then bring them to life in hilarious, creative sketches. Though the source material is sometimes edited for length, the content is never changed, which is what makes these bizarre scenarios truly entertaining—they're 100 percent real.

Once a year, they train their comedic lens on the juicy realm of sex and dating for Dat A.S.S. (Annual Sex Show—duh). The Web-gone-live revue, which kicked off last month, is closing this weekend with two performances at The COW (Apr 11, 12 at 9pm; $25, advance $20). We got the gals to give away the craziest quotes from the show—but you'll have to go see it to experience the wackiness in the flesh.

"We are bronies who are sexually attracted to ponies, yet also emotionally attracted."
Source: Steam Community

"It has come to our attention that there is a group of adults who enjoy wearing diapers and defecating themselves for sexual pleasure. They enjoy posting pictures of themselves in said diapers, and taking pictures of doodoo and peepee diapers."
Source: Facebook

"What does a female orgasm sound like? Like a camel dying or a moose on fire."
Source: Wiki Answers

"The sugar baby is the sugar daddy’s escape from the pressure of his real life. Part of being that release for him, is an actual release.… And yes I mean from his penis."
Source: Sugar Daddy Diaries

"I’m very single, how about you?"
Source: Tumblr

"I knew about scented candles and Luther Vandross CDs, and sure was glad to hear people still use them. But I had no idea that 'lube' was so popular with the 'romantics' out there."
Source: Amazon

"How can such a handsome husband make such bad cock-chowder?"
Source: Eden Fantasys

"So, babe, here’s how it’s gonna work, okay? We all have to share you equally. Which means that every night you spend with a different boy. Zayn gets you on Mondays, I get you on Tuesdays, Harry on Wednesdays, Louis on Thursdays and Niall on Fridays."
Source: Tumblr

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Editor: Marley Lynch (@marleyasinbob)


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