Getting felt up

Tracy Morgan inaugurates our new tradition, as the first celeb to don the TONY elf tights and gift himself. Also, guy loves porn.

Certain performers turn it on for the cameras and then leave it behind. Tracy Morgan, you get the feeling, isn’t one of them. Instead, the mercurial 30 Rock star and former Saturday Night Live cast member is either on—like when he’s regaling the small group of people assembled at today’s photo shoot with tales of sharing a joint with Chris Farley and Kurt Cobain—or more on—like when he’s performing Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal,” dance moves included, in an elf costume.

The 39-year-old New Yorker has been in the news a bit of late (he just got his ankle bracelet off, after a couple of drunk driving incidents), but on this day, save for a few moments of vertigo brought on by the flashing bulbs, Morgan was in full effect—chatting about the holiday season and opening up about his tasteful porn collection.

How’d it feel dressing like an elf?
It was cool, it was fun. You gotta understand, I spent seven years on Saturday Night Live, so dressing as an elf doesn’t faze me. I’m an entertainer. I try not to have vanity. If it’s funny, let’s do it.

Do you get nervous before you perform?
No. I pull the trigger. I prefer the word excitement. I’ll say I get excited. Nervous people can’t wait for it to be over. I can’t wait for it to start. I love being out there. It’s nothing for me to stay onstage for two hours.

What happens when it’s over?
I need space. I put so much energy out there, when I come down I like to come down. I can’t stay high; that’s where you get in trouble.

True or false: You enjoy taking your shirt off.
Oh, that’s just one of my patented moves. I like taking my shirt off. It lets me be free.

You have a bunch of cars, right?
I have some cars. I have some big-boy toys.

How do you find parking in Manhattan?
Easy, I park on the lot in my building. The cars I have are very expensive so I’m not putting them on the street. It’s not like I’m driving around in a Corolla. I’ve been on TV for 15 years, so I should have something to show for it, right?

Hell yeah.
I spend my money on sneakers, cars and porno.

You have an extensive collection?
Oh my God, forget about it! I got boxes!

The weird shit?
No, it’s normal. Good stuff. Not nothin’ too crazy. I just don’t like too much glamour. I like a woman that could actually live next door to me and I could see her going to dump garbage and I’m dumping garbage and then we just get it on right there. Not too much dialogue.

They call that gonzo, right? When it just goes straight into it?
I think it’s ruined me emotionally. I just want to get it on. I don’t want kissing and hugging. You got a husband, you need to give him your quality time. Me, I just wanna fuck. You can’t be kissing and hugging, I’d rather spend my morning digging through some records instead [Laughs], you know?

Let’s say I’m hitting the town with Tracy Morgan or 30 Rock’s Tracy Jordan—who am I going to have a better time with?
Tracy Morgan, he’s legendary. Tracy Jordan is just a character that’s part of Tracy Morgan. Tracy Jordan is just somebody I portray on TV. I’m much more interesting. Tracy Jordan is just a slice of the pie.

What’s the best gift you ever got?
My three sons and my sense of humor.

Do you have a gift-buying philosophy?
Not really. I just get everybody the same shit. If they don’t like it, they don’t like it. Here’s the receipt, take it back. Everybody get a pack of socks, that’s it.

Not even a three-pack?
No three-pack. One pair of socks, that’s it.

Do you have a New Year’s resolution? Do you make them?
Not really, because most people don’t keep them. So I just take it one day at a time. That’s my New Year’s resolution, actually.

Morgan performs at Carolines on Broadway Fri 23 and Sat 24. 30 Rock airs Thursdays at 8:30pm on NBC.