It’s nearly May 4, so here’s the Star Wars map of New York
Want to experience the Star Wars universe? You can do that right here in NYC.
Tue Apr 29 2014
Star Wars Day is happening on May 4 (because "May the fourth be with you," if that wasn't obvious enough). The world of Star Wars might be set in a galaxy far, far away, but you can experience it right on your doorstep. It turns out, a lot of those distant fantasy worlds aren't so different to what we have right here, and there's a quote to go with pretty much every experience the city has to offer.
It's a barren, desolate wasteland in which robotic workers toil away at their thankless tasks while their bored overseers dream of being anywhere else. And Tatooine looks pretty awful too.
Relevant quote: "If there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from."—Luke Skywalker
Staten Island: The Death Star trash compactor
You tend to only visit in unusual circumstances, it's surprisingly hard to escape from (it can feel—dare we say—crushing at times), and, yes, there really is a hell of a lot of garbage.
Relevant quote: "What an incredible smell you've discovered!"—Han Solo
Waiting on line for brunch: The pit of the Sarlacc
Excited to try out that tiny new brunch place everyone's raving about? Yeah, you and 400 other people. Prepare to wait an eternity on the sidewalk while your stomach slowly and agonizingly begins to digest itself.
Relevant quote: "You will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years."—C-3PO
Wall Street: Mos Eisley Cantina
One's a den of hard-drinking, amoral pirates, thieves and generally unscrupulous bastards who'd steal your mother's purse without even thinking twice—the other's a bar from Star Wars.
Relevant quote: "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."—Obi-Wan Kenobi
Canal Street subway station: The Death Star detention center
You're lost in Chinatown in the summer, the crowds are closing in, and you feel like you might be about to die. But then you spy salvation—the subway! You charge headlong toward it, but then that stench of fish and hot pee hits you like a laser blast to the face. What the hell could possibly be in there?
Relevant quote: "Get in there, you big furry oaf! I don't care what you smell!"—Han Solo
The entire city last winter: Hoth
For three months, New York was transformed less into a winter wonderland than a forbidding ice world, where death seemed to lurk around every corner. Admittedly, it was death by slipping off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic, rather than dismemberment by a hairy snow beast—but still—for a while there, it was pretty dicey, and we felt totally justified yelling, "I'll see you in hell!" every time we walked out the front door.
Relevant quote: "There's really nothing more we can do. And my joints are freezing up."—C-3PO
That suspiciously empty subway car: A freshly sliced-open Tauntaun
For a moment, it seems like a lifesaver—you're hungover, you're tired, and you just want to sit down and get away from all these pushy people. And here's a whole car full of empty seats! But then the doors open…
Relevant quote: "I thought they smelled bad…on the outside."—Han Solo
Every date you've ever been on in the city that ended in terrible sex: The Death Star trench run
Sometimes, even being able to bull's-eye womp rats in your T-16 doesn't guarantee you'll be able to stay on target the whole way. And let's face it, even the best man has occasionally just impacted on the surface.
Relevant quote: "Pull out! You can't do any more good back there!"—Luke Skywalker
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Editor: Marley Lynch (@marleyasinbob)