Ten Gwyneth Paltrow–style phrases for New York annoyances

Turn that frown upside down, like Gwyneth would! In light of this week's big breakup, we apply the actor's Zen verbiage to our daily pet peeves

Photographs: From left: Moviestore Collection/Re/REX USA

Oh, Gwynnie. Seems our New York daughter has spent too much time in the L.A. sun, and this week got Goopier than ever with a doozy: “conscious uncoupling,” her much lampooned euphemism for her separation from Coldplay’s Chris Martin. (Side note: Gwyneth and Chris, we’re very sorry and hope you’re both all right.) The macrobiotic mama certainly has a flair for turning lemons into sugar-free lemonade, which got us thinking:
What horrendous New York City happenings could benefit from the optimistic Gwyneth treatment? Here are our votes for the top ten quintessentially New York events that could do with a bit of New Agey spin.
Catcalling: unsolicited vocal appreciation
Overhearing your neighbors having sex: unintentional love download
Stepping in dog poop: accidental canine underpolish
Waiting on line for an hour to get into a brunch place: subtle appetite enhancement
Hangover: acute postrevelry dehydration malaise
Getting hit up by subway panhandlers: sudden philanthropic guilt induction
MetroCard swipe failure: abrupt midsection dissonance
Getting splattered by gutter slush from a car: invigorating weather incident
Moving to NYC: purposeful financially crippling dream pursuit
Getting stuck on a subway between stations for 30 minutes: subterranean motion desistance

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Editor: Marley Lynch (@marleyasinbob)


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