How to get laid at the office holiday party without incurring a harassment suit.
Thu Nov 15 2007
Also see: HR advice on how to hook up without consequence.
While it’s a dreaded obligation to many, to the enterprising hookup artist, the office party is the perfect opportunity to chat up an office crush outside of work and perhaps even get frisky. You know the official stance on this: It's a bad idea. But remember, that's also what "experts" once said about sailing across the Atlantic. Or something.
Anyway, if you’ve got your mind set on flirtation, we’re here for you. We asked experts for their best tips on getting laid on company time.
Steve Santagati, best-selling author of The Manual, suggests you pick out your object of desire well before the party and “plant seeds” by complimenting the person or stopping by their desk more often to “get in their head.” Show them an edgier side of you, appear a bit naughty and test the waters with comments like, “Would you report me to HR if I said [Insert naughty innuendo here]?” Santagati preaches caution, however, noting that “this sexual harassment bullshit has ruined all the fun at the workplace.”
The next important step is picking out something to wear. Jessica Rozler and Andrea Lavinthal, authors of The Hookup Handbook: A Single Girl’s Guide to Living it Up, advise, “You want to look attractive and approachable, but not rent by the hour.” Thus, no “chin-high cleavage or exposed chest hair.” For women to get noticed, Rozler suggests some color or a great pair of shoes. Santagati, meanwhile, advises men that girls want to imagine a bad boy who might slap their ass or grab their hair in bed. Go for the “I don’t give a fuck look," he says, "with an AC/DC T-shirt and a pair of jeans.”
"Redfox," a financial adviser and noted hookup master at Edward Jones, recalls an infamous holiday party a few years ago where he and a coworker had sex on the boss’s desk. The two were griping about how much they hated their boss and agreed that having sex on his desk would be the perfect revenge. “We were two consenting adults united in the hatred for one man,” says Redfox. Look around and try to find a common agenda to unite you with your object of desire.
The Sklar brothers, twin comedians who have appeared in Entourage and Curb Your Enthusiasm, suggest the following: “Take a tray of appetizers into the bathroom with the person. Don't tell them why. Enjoy the appetizers and comment on how delicious and fun this little ‘picnic’ is turning out to be. Then as you’re leaving, explain that you've just illustrated how it can be fun to eat where you shit.” Humor is one of the best ways to a woman’s heart, and food to a man’s, so this advice works for both sexes.
Don’t get discouraged if you're striking out like A-Rod in October. “It’s all about endurance,” says Jerron Harris, an NYC bartender who has watched these holiday shindigs go down a million times. “The ‘square’ ones usually leave early and those remaining are the most willing to get rowdy.” Lavinthal encourages, “Stay strong! Wait it out with the stragglers and you’re guaranteed to go home with one of the last (and most intoxicated) people standing.” That's a pep talk you won't get from HR.