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A distinctly shameless and shoddily made family comedy, this WWE production for wrestler Big Show (Wight) turns an already saccharine plot into a toxic, fart-laden piledriver. Our hero is gentle-giant Walter ("I guess I'm just a knucklehead!"), a 35-year-old who still lives at the orphanage where he was reared. After accidentally burning down the kitchen and putting his home in financial jeopardy, Walter is literally thrown---by a nun through a stained-glass window---into the life of hustler Eddie (Feuerstein). Running from his gambling debts, Eddie's praying for a new fighter to manage. Prayers answered?

Alas, no: The movie doesn't magically end there, with a refund of your money. A mere plot summary can't begin to approximate the way you'll feel manhandled by a stridently wacky orchestral score (more syrup for your pancakes?) and story elements seemingly selected by a brain-dead Hulkamaniac. Is it fair to include both an unattached blond teacher and a cute orphan with abandonment issues? Wight himself is a benign, dopey presence; you don't mind him. But it's a mistake for the big lug to shoot so broadly for the middle. It takes a special kind of failure to make Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's efforts look like models of sparkling wit and unpredictability.

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By: Joshua Rothkopf


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