Ten things you learn on Tinder

These days, finding love can be as much about technology as chemistry. With your phone in your hand and the Tinder app at the ready (or Grindr, Scruff, Growlr or any manner of alternatives for those looking for same sex dates), you can browse loads of potential partners with a flick of the thumb. Press 'like' if you do or move on. Simple. But behind each one of the profiles so easily flicked away, there's a real person. Look for long enough and you'll see some themes and similarities coming through. 

So as Valentine's Day approaches, we take a long hard look deep inside the Tinder-verse to uncover ten things we've learned to prepare you if you're new to it all.

Everyone’s ‘really into the travelling’
And everyone wants you to know. Whether it’s a photo next to a drugged-up tiger, a pensive shot of her looking out over some Thai bay from a hilltop or a snap that documents his shaggier days with grown-out hair and a bandana, it seems everyone needs to know about those free-spirited, wanderlust days.

People are fickle
You probably didn’t need Tinder to flag this one, but the app, based on a whirlwind of arbitrary decision-making, is where fickle brains come into their element. You might see one photo of someone and, based on something as illogical as a pretty smile or a friend in common, immediately decide you’re destined to be, before flicking through to a next shot that reveals something off-putting that is equally as illogical as before – too much makeup, a can of Carlsberg, that sort of thing. In short, you’re expected to ditch feelings as quickly as you acquire them.

The selfie game is still going strong – unfortunately
Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned photos of you with friends? Ones that prove you don’t just sit in your bedroom pouting into the self-facing camera all day long? That goes for you too, boys.

There’s an unnerving number of men called Ste
Hello, is it Ste you’re looking for? If so, your best bet is to head straight to Tinder. Many of us have probably never come across a real life Ste – you might have seen him in soaps or heard about him as an urban legend, but ultimately a Ste is a rare thing. On Tinder, however, they’re all over the place.

Not everyone on Tinder is single
Tinder can often feel like a game, and more to the point it’s one that people in relationships also want in on. Sure, sometimes it acts as a sneaky way for a wandering eye to stray, but on other occasions it might just be a meaningless pastime of ‘yes or no?’ for a curious mind that wants to play. As long as there are no consequences, there’s no harm done, right?

Our attention spans are rubbish
In an age where many of us can barely watch a short television programme without a quick check to see how the world of social media is progressing without you, it seems our attention spans are becoming increasingly stunted. On Tinder, this not only means you’ll rarely dedicate more than just a few of your precious seconds to making a judgement, it also means you’ll spend half your browsing time trying to recognize the bar in the background.

There are a fair few house DJs out there
And yet when you call them out on it, it turns out they’re actually an IT consultant from Accrington – but they did DJ for their mate’s night once.

Snapchat is still a thing
Whilst the vast majority of the British public has moved on from the world of Snapchat – as fun as it may or may not have been for those initial few months – it still seems to be an accepted form of social media for Tinder users, whether for harmless image sharing or something a little less innocent. And while we’re on the case, are you sure you want to publicise your Instagram handle? Because people will look into that – and they will scroll right down to the deepest, darkest recesses of your feed.

People still see the bearded, tattooed look as a niche market
You’ll find some guys out there whose self-defensive motto reads something along the lines of: ‘I’ve got tattoos and a beard – if you don’t like it, swipe left.’ Okay, son, chill it – you’re really, really not that oppressed. Many girls also assert that ‘Unless you’re a guy with a beard and tattoos, I’m not interested.’ Well, it’s your lucky day Twinkletoes, for Tinder’s got loads! Face it, the furry face and inked arms are no longer attributes you just find traipsing round the Northern Quarter. We’re afraid it’s actually become… mainstream.

Modern dating is weird
It’s a jungle out there – a jungle that many of us aren’t even sure we’re ready or willing to try and navigate – and whilst Tinder acts as a slightly less daunting alternative to the commitment of online dating, it can still feel contrived as hell. Just hang in there – you may not find the love of your life whilst flicking through a stack of photos, but at least you’re getting yourself out there. High fives, kidder.

WORDS BY JESSICA HARDIMAN