Empire of the Ants

'Have you ever taken a close look at what the ant is all about?' a voice harangues us in the opening minutes of this flat-footed piece of stupidity, supposedly derived (like the same director's Food of the Gods) from HG Wells. Thanks to Gordon's special effects, a close look reveals that the ant is really an incredibly hairy octopus and about as frightening as a muppet. The plot hardly grabs one either: the giant ants (fed on spilled atomic waste) attack a motley bunch of dithering idiots being taken round an isolated spot of Florida swamp by fraudulent land developer Joan Collins. The sleekly mature Joan acts as though she's always about to say 'Look at me, I'm still sexy!' What she does say, however, is things like 'Oh my God', as does everybody else. It's all drastically boring.