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10,000 B.C. (2008)

Director: Roland Emmerich

Time Out rating

Average user rating

50 reviews

Movie review

From Time Out London

Roland Emmerich’s misjudged stab at a Pleistocene-era epic is a mammoth disappointment. Omar Sharif’s ponderous narration introduces a pre-historic world of mysterious myths and prophecies. One where young men like D’Leh (Steven Strait) embark upon life-changing quests that will save not only their loved one, beautiful blue-eyed foundling Evolet (Camilla Belle), but also their entire tribe.

After an attack on their village by ‘four-legged demons’ (horse-riding slave raiders), D’Leh and his mentor, Tic’Tic (Cliff Curtis), brave the snow-topped mountains, lush jungle, wide savannah and parched desert in search of those who were abducted. As they travel towards ‘the mountains of the gods’ – gold-topped pyramids built by slaves and harnessed mammoths – they persuade other tribes to join their war against the raiders.

This ‘Tweenies’ take on ‘Apocalypto’ is insipid stuff. The so-called ‘terror birds’ are fierce versions of Rod Hull’s Emu; the woolly mammoths are benign beasts; and the sabre-toothed tiger, with which D’Leh has a mysterious telepathic connection, seems to have wandered in from Narnia. There is also more than a hint of Erich von Däniken’s book ‘Chariots of the Gods’ about the pyramids, where effete, claret-robed priests grovel before the albino Almighty One. The vapid young leads have no presence whatsoever, so Kiwi actor Curtis is left to wrestle what gravitas he can from the risible dialogue.

As one would expect, the director of ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ has no trouble integrating the spectacular vistas and impressive visual effects into a mix-and-match whole. However, Emmerich’s storytelling lacks the kinetic energy and visceral impact of Mel Gibson’s muscular myth-making: like the lumbering mammoths, it is plodding and dull.

Author: Nigel Floyd

Time Out London 1960 March 12 - 18

User reviews of this film

kelbels said...

Posted on Apr 27 2008 11:41 One of the worse films i have seen. Good if you want a laugh at the bad acting and over sized turkeys!!! Dont recommend it

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Ali said...

Posted on Apr 18 2008 20:35 A load of shit,,,, the director must have been inspired by bollywood love stories.....a blady rip offfffff!!!!!

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Vince said...

Posted on Apr 17 2008 17:14 Biggest load of crap ive ever seen. Not 1 good thing about it. Don't see it unless you like watchin cavemen fighting egyptians and mutated chickens trying to eat people

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urmum99 said...

Posted on Apr 14 2008 19:55 good special effects but crap unoriginal plot.first apocalypto scene with village being raided and people being transported far away then slavery and finnaly the 300 bit at the end with the spear

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usman khawaja said...

Posted on Apr 14 2008 16:08 essential viewing for all to celebrate a cultural revolution and cgi copycats
A TRUE CULTURAL REVOLUTION ;MULTICULTURALISM might be an invention of today,but emmerich insists in this new great saga throught the GREAT NILE BASIN that we had an english speaking tribe in african heartlands who spoke better english then in most american movies today,
MORE REASONS TO WATCH THIS CLAS[LESS]SIC,
it also tells us that there were GIANT TURKEYS eating our ancestors ,bigger then the turkeys hollywood is making today for sure in the nile valley,
also some ugly american indian chinese woman MUMBLING african mambo jumbo ,playing mother to theSE hunter tribes -african mama all hail,
one more reason is that its a MULTI-ETHNIC CAST ,blue eyed belles ,latino men ,cuban sex symbols ,puerto rican studs ,arab villains and jewish looking albinos ,but thats not all they speak multiple languages and are still able to communicate better then us today,
they can also transfer body spirits ,ultimate soul transplant TO BEAT CLONING ,
yet they have no idea of where the north star is , but thanks to our american star who looks like a cross between cuban-latino texans ,with the obligatory steroid 6-pack and sanitised perfect gums with a tootbrush ad smile and also has no idea about how to deliver his dialogues or how to even talk to CGI MADE cats[or was it a leoprd ] ,YET he is able to cross 6000 miles of the nile basin ,because he discovers the north star
astronomers be damned ,
meanwhile as the ancient egyptians smuggle the poor slaves from the african hinterlands to build the pyramids ,they have already predicted all that happens in the future with the astrology -the predictable script gets worse by one sign or another ,this is all science too-the science of hollywoods misery .
somehow no one ever is killed in this movie except bakus mum [a latino kid with a chinese mum ].even the giant tree-climbing turkeys do not ear any one -the leopard too starves himself -everything is saved for the finale ,
well this glorious racial mixture is exhilirating but not as much as the enlightening dialogues and the mammoth sets created by studio CGI,nor the leopard that is a ridiculous cat that looks like an elephant .
YET they all pale in comparison to a single scene of ten commandments OR cleopatra ,BUT THAT WAS 50 years ago and now we have made great progress ,so for our sins we have to see these poor imitations of THE EGYPTIAN and one million year bc ,as for the land that time forgot ,its a classic compared to this,
but one good reason to see this is to realise how degrading american cinema has become in the last few years
how the big studios insult their audience by insulting themselves ,
and any intelligence left whatsoever is not to be found in a movie budgeted over 10 million dollars ,
the worst thing is this will end up grossing 100million dollars or more ,perhaps that explains the ten thousand title because i thought the pyramids were only 4000-6000yrs old ,
but then history can always be rewritten and it literally is here with the english language and all rules of decent cinema production being violated ,the funny midget who is produced from an under ground chamber on a stretcher to prohecy is one of the silliest characters ever in cinema and the lines he utters were like from the gutter.
watch out for the really funny voice over by OMAR SHARIF too -yes he is the sado masochist who starts this torture with some wise utterrings which sound like a silly gag,he ONCE PLAYED DR.ZHIVAGO IN THE LEAN MOVIE ,but that seems 1000 years ago at least ,
the studios need to transported to the path of the next tsunami as that is the only way to be rid of these really monstrous movies and these MORONS ,
-what a shame as stargate was entertaining at least ,this is a sic joke

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tanya said...

Posted on Apr 14 2008 13:11 this film was so boring !

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Danielle said...

Posted on Apr 14 2008 11:45 this film was really gd , i thought it was going to be boring but it turned out that it wasent at all , once u get into it it can make u change your opinion on it , i recommend the film to anyone, trust me u will love it.

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eddy said...

Posted on Apr 10 2008 11:00 an half the time it jst showd people walkin an talkin an when it luked like there was gunna be some action it showd the enemys runnin away after one guy was killed i wont even rate it it was that bad

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eddy said...

Posted on Apr 10 2008 10:57 crap borin i fell asleep only funni thing in that theater was that my m8 had to sit behind sum guy wid a huge head crap story line which made no sense started off in moutians went over the mountains appeard in a jungle wid 30 foot high man eatin dodo's then went out the jungle appeard in the derest an all of it was set in africa anbody hear of a snowy mountian in africa a waste of time an effort

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boo said...

Posted on Apr 07 2008 19:05 veby good filb. waz unspeechable,

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Mieky Ward said...

Posted on Apr 07 2008 13:14 yeh george it's betta than Titanic only because Titanic was diabolical!

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Michael ward said...

Posted on Apr 07 2008 13:12 10,000 BC rocks u r totally wrong it will NEVER be as good as James Bond!

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ecky <3 ryan said...

Posted on Apr 06 2008 22:13 you need 2 c dis film it reali gd i reli enjoyd it x

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Cinderella said...

Posted on Apr 05 2008 16:52 An absolutely comple and utter awesome film. I recommend everyone should watch it.

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muse_wallaby said...

Posted on Apr 04 2008 16:23 Might go to see this later on. Doesn't look good, according to ratings, and the only positive comments are by people who honestly think that "unspeechable" is a word... Might see it for a laugh. I'll keep an open mind and I'l comment back.

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