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The Tourist (2010)

Director: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck

Time Out rating

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30 reviews

Movie review

From Time Out London

This is a remarkable film. Take the Oscar-winning director of the universally acclaimed ‘The Lives of Others’, and add not one, but two Oscar-winning screenwriters – Julian Fellowes (‘Gosford Park’) and Christopher McQuarrie (‘The Usual Suspects’). Throw in Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, attractive locations in wintry Paris and Venice. Sounds like it can hardly miss, right? Well, ‘The Tourist’ is remarkable because its not inconsiderable talent pool has delivered a would-be ‘light-hearted international crime caper’ which runs the gamut from idiocy to tedium and back again, all the while exuding a smug sense of self-satisfaction which is frankly inexplicable. Long for the days of red London buses, Shirley MacLaine in oriental eye make-up, swishy dissolves and cocktail-hour music? Well, stick with the ’60s celluloid fluff of your choice because it certainly doesn’t get any better here.

Angelina Jolie is our glamorous female lead, inexplicably cast as the English other half to a fugitive embezzler, who’s being eagerly sought by British police for diddling the UK taxman and indeed a heavy-duty gangster (Steven Berkoff – yawn) he’s also left grillions out of pocket. This latterday pimpernel manages to get a message to his beloved in Paris to board a train to Venice and befriend a stranger she can pass off as him to put the pursuers off the scent – enter tousle-haired fake-ciggie-puffing Johnny Depp as the world’s least likely suburban maths teacher. Before long, he’s sharing an exclusive hotel room with this enigmatic seductress, the prelude to being chased across the Venetian rooftops by Russian-accented thugs, and so forth. And in the midst of this, do we detect a frisson of romance….?

Possibly, but that would necessitate emerging from a coma first. The movie’s clearly intended as an insouciant diversion, but von Donnersmarck’s direction paces every single scene with the earnest deliberation of a learner articulated-lorry driver executing an especially tricky three-point turn. Steady…steady…steady. Some felicities of performance or dialogue might enliven the torpor, but there’s a dearth of snappy one-liners, Depp underplays to the degree you feel you must be watching the rehearsal takes, and Jolie pus so much concentration into maintaining her strangled Julie Andrews accent that she’s obviously no energy to invest this mystery lady with any emotional life. There’s barely a flicker of chemistry between the two stars, which renders everything else increasingly academic, especially when the presumed action highlights fall flat (tip: if you want to see a proper boat chase, check out 1971’s Amsterdam-set potboiler ‘Puppet on a Chain’), and Paul Bettany’s struggles to do anything with a thankless ‘Basil Exposition’ part as the man from Scotland Yard are poignant to behold. Top this off with a ‘twist’ ending which is unpredictable in that it’s so ludicrous the film-makers are effectively treating the audience like cretins, and you have a movie that falls down on every level.

Yes, it’s dreck, but we’ve all seen duff movies. What makes this so painfully exasperating is that ‘The Tourist’ is so bloody pleased with itself. It’s as if we're supposed to be pitifully grateful just to see La Jolie in a slinky dress, or peek inside Venice’s swanky Hotel Danieli, or ‘thrill’ to the devastatingly clever plot developments the film-makers have in store for us. Perhaps their ideal viewer is some unfortunate who’s spent a life in seclusion exposed only to endless reruns of ‘Hart to Hart’ and ‘Remington Steele’. If that sounds like you, you might possibly be entertained by this. Just don’t expect too much.

Author: Trevor Johnston

Time Out London Issue 2103: 9 - 15 December, 2010

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User reviews of this film

blib said...

Posted on Dec 12 2011 07:48 It reminded me of those ads for Stella 4..only it wasn't as good. Dreadful.

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quite pleased filmgoer said...

Posted on May 27 2011 21:54 Saw this on DVD last week. Yes it's ridiculous, but I think it was aiming for escapism, glamour and entertainment. The main problem was that Johnny Depp looked awful! Was very disappointed that Rufus Sewell wasn't in it more, and I love Paul Bettany, so could have done with more of him, too. The scene with the knife and Angelina Jolie's massive lips was a bit inappropriate and gratuitous. I was appalled that the guy who made the fantastic "The Lives of Others" made this.

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ed said...

Posted on Apr 14 2011 15:48 I saw this film on New Years Day at Slough Cinema. Now because it was released in 2010, that makes it the worst film of last year and this year (so far!)... I was wondering when we'd see Johnny Depp outside of a stupid voice / costume since Public Enemies and was lookign forwad to him playing a regular human. This film is woeful. Lame plot, terrible acting, wasted location, I couldn't stay awake. I should've been alerted to it's crapness by the appearances of Steven Berkoff & Rufus Sewell... They love being in crap films.... All this from the director of one the last 10 years greatest films THE LIVES OF OTHERS...
Avoid. Makes Venice look broing. Quite an accomplishment...

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paulm said...

Posted on Jan 18 2011 12:18 The reviewer seems to have missed one little point - that this film is good light hearted entertainment, with no innappropriate vulgarity. An element of mystery remained too in that I wondered at what point the heroine really recognised the hero for who he truely was.
This was just a good late night flick.

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jackie garner said...

Posted on Jan 13 2011 15:04 My sister and I really enjoyed this film,there were funny bits in it, chases ,and it left you guessing until the end.

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Unlimitedfilmlovers said...

Posted on Jan 10 2011 22:46 Ignore the critics and go! Top film, classic location especially enjoyed the hotel and both Depp and Jolie were first class. Put me in a good mood for days.

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reg floor said...

Posted on Jan 10 2011 18:51 i think this is an old ies film scenes too long no ipods could have fitted in a saint or champions plot loved it it was entertainment .perfect film for a cold london escape to the sun

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Jane said...

Posted on Jan 09 2011 10:18 bad remake of the 2005 French thriller "Zimmer"... somehow the French actors made it lot more convincing and "thrilling"

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KAZ said...

Posted on Jan 05 2011 10:35 After all the negative reviews I went to see this film for 2 reasons, JD and the Venetian location. Have to say I was pleaantly surprised and really enjoyed it. No it
wouldn't win any oscars but for entertainment value it scored on every level. Unusual role for JD as he's not usually cast in rom coms but it worked. AJ looked as stunning as ever. Certainly better than a lot of the stinkers from last year, in my opinion one of the worst cinematic years ever. Go see it and enjoy.

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doti said...

Posted on Jan 02 2011 12:53 really funny and interesting

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Mark Pavey said...

Posted on Dec 30 2010 08:54 Absolute laughable rubbish and boring with it. Do not waste 2 hours of your life on this. Please, i beg you.

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Mike said...

Posted on Dec 24 2010 01:29 LORD LUCAN: Perhaps you can’t remember what the deuce happened at the ending because you were too busy murdering the nanny that evening?
.
If, however, you merely walked out because you were bored, that’d be in keeping with the opinion of BBC’s “Front Row”.

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Anne said...

Posted on Dec 22 2010 11:06 Avoid like the plague. How is it possible to make a film this bad with this cast, crew and backdrop? Jolie spends the whole time assuming ludicrous 'alluring' poses and trying to give the camera her best angle while Depp needs to be checked for a pulse. The chase scenes are actually BORING. A total disaster.

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paulm said...

Posted on Dec 17 2010 03:27 Maybe I'm getting soft in my dotage (yes I'm over 21) but I have to dusagree with the majority of the critics and say I was pleasantly surprised and suitably engaged with what I felt to be an above average boy-meets-boobs black cpmedy. Just relax and enjoy the punt.

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yiorgos said...

Posted on Dec 15 2010 02:27 It's also based on the french film "Anthony Zimmer" which, you know, was kind of fun. Sophie Marceau played the Jolie part and Yvan Attal the Depp part. Haven't seen the remake (when is Hollywood going to attempt some originality!!) - and I don't think I'll bother.

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