Halloween II (18)

Even more savage and gruesome than its predecessor as the passive-aggressive Giant Haystacks, sorry, Grizzly Adams, sorry, Michael Myers wonders the countryside in search of Laurie Strode/Angel Myers/A White Horse/Whatever. The ol’lummox brutally murderizes whoever happens to be around, generally leaving his hapless vics a shade less appealing than road kill. Meanwhile Scout Barely-Competent as Laurie/Angel has not lost the propensity to irritate the bejeezus out of anyone unfortunate enough to have to witness her performance. This film is populated with so many unlikeable people that it is not humanly possible to keep a tally, no wonder poor, hard-done-by Mikey has gone on a killing spree. Malcolm McDowell has a bit of fun with his Loomis-as-total-heel role but there's not much else to enjoy about any of the other characters. Many of the locations seem to come from a Silent Hill videogame, even the 'normal' characters' homes. It's not terrible, it's kind of watchable but it is not scary at all, just extremely violent and rather pointless. Kudos to Zombie for distilling the original 1981 storyline in rapid time but unfortunately we are left with his own meandering and messy (in every sense of the word) storytelling for the majority of the movie.