Awwright you slaaaags… Yes, it’s more Cockernee crime by numbers as Big Smoke crime boss Jimmy the Gent (Peter Wight) heads down to sunny Saaaaaarfend to sort out the local syndicate led by Shrewd Eddie (Paul Freeman), and ends up tangling with money-hungry ex-con Dean (Philip Barantini). There’s nothing in ‘Hard Boiled Sweets’ you’ve not seen before, from a series of lazy freeze-frame character introductions to not one but three hookers with hearts of gold: this is the kind of film that thinks it’s feminist because the girls hit back – never mind that leading lady Ty Glaser rarely appears on screen in more than a miniskirt.
With no decent characters to root for (everyone is either a pimp, a murderer or a victim) and performances that range from bad to bored, it’s lucky that director David LG Hughes’s screenplay contains a fistful of decent throwaway gags and enough plot surprises to just about carry it through the rough patches.