Top Gun

When I went into this film I was filled with expectation (and other things; hur hur hur), but this was quickly dashed when I saw two words. "TOM CRUISE", midget esquire. Although a good actor - I'll never slander a man's skill to fake an orgasm - I find him lacking both in height and originality, and let's face it, he'd never pass the pilots exams on acconut of being 2'3". His side actor, "Goose", should've been re-named "Lemming" and promptly walked off a cliff or comedically blown up with explosives. However, despite my original beginnings, I sat through the film; albeit clawing for my ever-present shotgun, to end my misery. I had entered with Max, a long-term friend and chick-flick watcher; and we were disgusted by the entire thing: shoddy acting, bad props, planes which were clearly cardboard, cars which sounded too real, etcetera. I still rate it full stars though, the film amused me beyond belief; despite ruining my life, so BEFOREHEAD I kill myself, I'll post his comment. DEATH TO CALLUM!