Royally pissed that his powers have been hampered---damn you, Magna Carta!---King John of England (Giamatti) schemes to regain absolute rule. His only speed bump? The Middle Ages' own magnificent seven, led by a gruff baron (Cox) and who're prepared to go medieval on everyone's ass to defend the Church. Jonathan English's unintentionally Pythonesque epic filters history through a lads' mag, complete with Cockney he-man swagger and smashing violence. As in literally smashing: Faces are graphically pummeled to a pulp, as well as punctured by arrows, skewered by swords and sliced open with axes. Still, that's nothing compared to the beating audiences receive, as this bloody, messy action film devolves into a plain ol' bloody mess.
Watch the trailer