Heard on the street, September 29, 2011, edition

You use the phrase man whore as if it’s not very complimentary.

Let’s put on your romper and cuddle.

“They idealize someone who can do the most drugs and still look put together.” “Isn’t that what being British is about?”

Girl was standing next to this dude who had halitosis so damn bad she threw up in her mouth. But then she choked on it and died. True story.

I could eat shit as long as it’s with good company.

That’s the only class that let me wear my special shoes, those rainbow-colored things.

I haven’t had a girl squeeze my ass in a long time.

Well, I’d be happy to do that, but I’m sort of trapped in this corridor.

I would’ve texted it to you if you knew how to look at your texts, Mom!