"The week of Burning Man is the only week that the rest of us don't have to hear about Burning Man. But what if that week could last forever?"
So begins Cultivated Wit's crowd-funding video in support of "the most ambitious Burning Man project ever." Namely, the construction of a giant wall built around the entire Bay area—Point Reyes to Santa Cruz—during the week of the festival, to keep Burners from getting back in. (Let us take a minute to point out that, though not entirely without merit, this project is a parody. Just a parody, folks.)
The video goes on to highlight the 10 principles of the wall, mocking the 10 principles of Burning Man with items like "Self expression (limited)," "Leave no trace (aside from wall)" and "Civic something or other." It also pokes fun at how expensive and corporate the fest has become in recent years: "...to know that a group of people, and billions of dollars, can come together and form a true collective community... and never have to hear about Burning Man bullshit again." The video ends on a pretty compelling note: if the Burners can't return, we may just get some affordable apartments in this city. Heyo!
The project even has its own crowd-funding page where you can pledge money and receive rewards; donate $500 and you'll get to operate a cement mixer for one hour. Fun! Pledge $50,000 or more and get an invite to the "Up All Night's Watch Party," a shindig on top of the wall upon completion, where you can watch the approach of returning Burners along the I-80. "Winter is coming... and it won't bring Burners!"
Okay, so you can't actually pledge. (If you try, you'll get an error message that says "We’re attempting to fix the problem as quickly as possible, but half our developers have taken advantage of our unlimited vacation policy to finish their LED mindfulness art car.") But you can buy an "I Wall SF" t-shirt for $25, if your commitment to the walled-city idea runs deep.