Illustration: Sio Yean
1. The Pumbaa
After a nice, strenuous session at the gym, the Pumbaa is most commonly seen trotting happily towards the nearest source of Mega Macs and teh tariks. Scientists have hypothesised that this species is only motivated to work out so that it’s allowed to eat more. Find it chanting food-related terms while lifting weights.
2. The Olaf
One of the rarest phenomenal wonders of the animal world, the overly optimistic Olaf only turns up at the gym at certain fleeting moments in the year, only to gradually melt away into a no-show. Usually seen in January, the appearance of an Olaf is believed to be caused by an excess of Christmas puddings. It may also show up at the gym randomly due to impending high school reunions. Its only form of exercise: writing a list of New Year resolutions.
3. The Coach
Cinderella’s pumpkin is more qualified to be a coach than the Coach at the gym. You don’t need to hunt for this particular species. The Coach will hunt you down. Not a certified coach, The Coach is basically a regular gym goer who just has to air its views on what it is you’re doing wrong. How to deal: Bring ear plugs, or get a personal trainer.
4. The Pepé Le Pew
The Pepé Le Pew drinks gallons of water and sweats gallons of it too. After bench presses, chest presses, leg curls and quad extensions, cue the Pepé Le Pew marking its territory by leaving sweat marks and a musky scent all over the machines. Worse still, it refuses to wipe down the equipment after it’s done with them. Arm yourself with face masks and dry towels before going in search of it.
5. The Donald Duck
No scientist has quite managed to figure out why Donald Duck is at the gym. Making a point to skip leg day (as evidenced by its spindly legs), Donald Duck spends more time stalking and talking to other gym goers instead of working out.
6. The Texter
A subspecies of the Donald Duck includes the dextrous Texter who just sits on equipment texting without doing anything. Okay, it’s exercising its fingers. And hogging the equipment.
7. The Gaston
Often spellbound by its reflection, the Gaston has been reported to be completely engrossed in taking selfies of its physique (be it perfect or not) by the gym mirror, trying out different postures, and painstakingly piling on the hashtags (#beastmode #fitspiration #ripped #strong #shredded #motivational, and so on, you get the idea) before posting it on Instagram.
8. The Prince Charming
The Prince Charming is the intriguing species that makes everything look so easy. It’s always perfectly sculpted, it always glides effortlessly through the incredibly tough workout regimes, and most importantly, it seems to be born without sweat glands. Truth is, its presence just encourages the rest of us to give up and go home.