Sometimes when you've got to go, you've got to go. And sometimes when you've got to go, the best option is to go on an $80,000 Tesla Model X. Such was the case for one Chicagoan last week, or at least that's what one man is claiming in a strange Craigslist post.
The accuser, who identified himself as a 36-year-old man named Michael, wrote a missed connections post titled "Need Help From People of Lakeview (reward)" that accuses someone of taking a "gigantic shit" on the windshield of his brand new Tesla, which was parked near Stratford Place and Broadway last Thursday night.
Michael wrote that he was on a date with a girl, and when they walked out to the car at the end of the night there was a big 'ol dump "comprised of two sizable logs" and one smaller ball that had rolled down to his wipers waiting for them. He claims that he called the police, but they refused to help him clean the feces off of his car, and that he had to clean it up himself with a bottle of water and a copy of RedEye. Michael is offering a reward for anyone who gives him a lead on the poop-etrator.
The claim seems dubious at best, but Michael insists that the post is not a joke. A source in the 19th police district, where the alleged defection took place, told us that he had not heard of any reports that matched the post's description. We have reached out to him for a comment, but he has failed to respond, making the authenticity of his post questionable.
In any case, the post certainly makes us chuckle. For the sake of everything that is good about Chicago, we implore you to keep your poop in the toilet. After all, this isn't New York.